I can't give you pristine white
my dear poet,
you pissed on it
when you had your say
and there's blood on the ice
from head wounds
words you
clubbed to death like baby seals
on the cover of National Geographic.
The morning comes interrupted the night
this unholy war
into the heart.
Only one songbird sings into the darkness.
And that is enough sometimes,
isn't it?
Comments
Hi there
I was reading right along with nary a stumble until.....The morning comes interrupted the night.......Sure does seem to me this line either need a comma or to be split into 2 lines for clarity. And the title is great.........stan
Anna
Not sure if this was a protest to poets out there but it came through as one, let me have a look at those lines from Night to Day....
The morning subdue's the night
this unholy war
into the heart.
Only one songbird sings into the approaching dawn.
And that is enough sometimes,
isn't it?
Well that's all I can suggest but loved the theme and the write,
Yours Ian.T
Thank you all for reading,
Thank you all for reading. You all should know better,,,,I don't follow any rulebook but my own.
lol.
~A
hmmm
The opening line conveys a message which is some person has done wrong possibly a critic to your work. Then every other thing seems to be sweet word play. Leaving me to wonder if the harm of the critic is being likened to the harm to the ecosystem Wrought by hunters. But to me it sounds like you can slot more imagery/scenery in here to drive home your point. Also I love those lil lines you poets of neo drop after comments