Who am I?
Do you know?
I stopped being her,
a long time ago.
I am a lie.
A disgrace if you knew.
I have to stay silent,
keep my love from you.
I chose wrong,
I can just change.
It's a phase in the end,
a high school play.
But, It's not and I can't stop.
How I feel has nothing to do
with what the world brought.
Religion can't fix me, this isn't taught.
I can't believe in your God.
Your laws and your way.
It's not me, but you'll never know me.
Comments
ANC
This one was just a little choppy but the theme is solid, you just sounded bitter lol.
A teenage rebuff, could do with more of these, before the babies are made lol.
Yours Ian.T
Hi.
You don't know me and this is the first of your pieces I have read, so I won't offer a great deal until I know you a little better.
I'm going to agree with the guys. This started well. Organized and even a little elegant, but the ending got lost in something of a rant. The emotion and imagery is there. The beginning was excellent and took me along gracefully, but I didn't like how it ended.
You appear to have a solid grasp of poetic form... you simply didn't use it to finish the poem.
Hi
I enjoyed the read - it actually hit a spot with me. I can't improve on the comments above - if feels genuine ( not forced ) which { for me } has great appeal. But "as already commented" could be better. It's already great but making it consistent throughout would go along way to improving it. ( But that really depends on how you feel and what you want ).
Thanks for sharing.
Love Mand xxxxx