Rula

Aug 02, 2012

I am pregnant...(Updated)

I am pregnant
...The sperm
that fertilized my egg
was of the world's pains, woes and ills.
Now the embryo grows bigger everyday,
and here I am,
after a few years
unable to deliver
... this womb
shall explode one day

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It's not real but about how are the world's pains are growing more not less everyday and we are unable to change much.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

confusing a bit

egospermo
Sperms don't pain
they help one gain ...
eat into your eggs domain
and then fatten you simple and plain
the ones you let go
down the drain
wasted lives
do stain
and when one is older than due
its late for good pregnancy
how I wish all knew..

so sperms and eggs mate
between 16 to 27
and see the child the world's best
and the loving
see how pain is soon
laid to rest
when the doc declares your child as best...

dear loved

I understand
what you mean,
but this pregnency
is a bit weired
it is not like any.
The last few lines
might make things clear
if you carefully read
it is all about the world's pains
which endlessly grow more and more daily

hi rula

one problem, only one sperm fertilises an egg
(note spelling typo with fertalized - fertilized)

I actually liked the original a little better – imo there is too much explanation now
my suggestion for a tiny cull

'I am pregnant
... The sperm
that fertilized my egg
was of the world's endlessly growing
pains, woes and ills.
... Now the embryo grows bigger everyday,
and here I am,
after a few years
unable to deliver.
... this womb
shall explode one day'

as you know - just my opinion
love judy
xxx

Yeah Juddy!!

I love your edition. It is marvelous how few changes make the difference.
Thanks for the time and the thoughts dear Juddy.

this is far the best of your poems I have read

Utterly courageous in pain and truth. I could wish I was a woman and could have written it myself, but can you believe I utterly relate to it?
I do.

Don't we all live

in the womb of life?That's why anyone can relate
I'm happy you found something worthy here.Have a nice night/day sir

the master Neo

has spoken .
Period
feel happy at that .
Period
I commented again too.
Period

I DO UNDERSTAND

THE PANGS............

Thank you

Always generous loved
Take care

thanks,....the whole world says so

but my very own
and
as for your poem
you changed the whole complex
all our comments become irrelevant ,
yet my composition
has been appreciated
on other sites ......
you don't know.

Don't worry dear loved

And I haven't changed the core
It's all the same
With few adjustments so it would read better

So nothing is irrelavent
I like it to be read differently
This gives the piece kind of richness
Always loved
Many thanks.

thanks for the

kind words

stong, powerful poem Rula

I connected with your poem in a large way. A play on the anxiety that something you can't monitor growing inside you and the potential that
what emerges may be something 'other'. Very nice, a touchy subject I rarely see touched. A brave and effective work.

Ron