House rent exploits
Called business enterprises
Draining the tenant’s income
In cyclical repayments
Turned sour upon demand
Merchant vessels perished
In service stormy seas
Landlord calls in due course
Heartbeat of renter skipped
Ran in fear, like Adam of old
On hearing the voice of God
Looked for where to hide
Lest he be driven out of Eden
These rented houses, where I live
Are like traps set for city dwellers
Nov 13, 2011
HOUSING FOR ALL
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hello t,
I like your title, it caught my eye and interest! A very thought provoking poem! I like these lines best:
Ran in fear, like Adam of old
On hearing the voice of God
Looked for where to hide
Lest he be driven out of Eden
These rented houses, where I live
Are like traps set for city dwellers
always, Cat
These rented houses
Thank you, I am glad you like it. Living in a rented house poses a challenge to the worker who ends up without a house of his/ her own. It is a shame that this problem exist world over, irrespective of any government. best wishes.
I was with you in spirit during the unwarranted attack and shared with you the pains. Thank you for your contributions to the site and be strong. I love and appreciate you.
tr