Timbo
Timbo
Jul 21, 2011

The House On The Hill

He remembers their first time, in the evening chill
near to the cornfield behind the house on the hill.
Where the old folks live who are lost behind its door
and don’t know where, or who they are any more.

He visits her most days, she often doesn’t know who he is
up at the house on the hill, where she now needs to live.
Sometimes she looks at him with a certain look in her eye
and he knows that look and he tries hard not to cry.

He wonders if somewhere behind those troubled eyes
the woman he loved so much somehow still survives.
And just occasionally in a moment of lucid thought
she remembers the times when her life was less fraught.

The time they were young lovers passionate and free
and so happy to be married in the spring of fifty three.
The children they raised and their cute little ways
and the sounds of Sinatra and Minnelli on the airwaves.

He sits in his chair gazing through the window each night
up to the house on the hill, until the last moment of light.
Wondering if she looks down at the place she called home
and if she really knows he still lives there, all alone.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Favorite Poets: Rather than poets I tend to be influenced by songwriters and have a love of lyrics.

More from this author

Comments

S

A great description of drawn out and gradual loss. Is there a particular syllable count you were aiming for? Probably just me but it seems the lines could have more impact if a bit shorter.................stan

Timbo

Thanks Stan. No syllable count but it does strike me too that shorter lines work better, but couldn't manage it on this one. I even contempleted splitting each line into two to see if that worked better?
Tim

CCfire

CCfire

13 years 9 months ago

Reminds me so much of The Notebook movie...and how some just can't let each other go...and are devoted..I notice the syllable count makes it flow unevenly but it was such a delightful story I didn't really care.

Tonya

Tonya

13 years 9 months ago

the story line. (I like story poetry!)
Has such a bitter-sweet flavor. Sadly, the theme is so true at times.

I think there are a couple of "he's" and "ands" that could be culled, and perhaps polish a line or two.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed the work and was pulled into the pictures brought to mind as I read.
Nicely done.

Always,
Tonya