I shivered at the fearsome thing,
this affliction that found you here
amongst all your beauty
I could never find the words
to offer as medals and ribbons
I wanted to give you
for wrestling and sparring
with a cruel and indifferent foe
While somehow finding the courage
to provide an embracing home
for the audacity to hope
Comments
Beautiful!
Good rhythm and it flows natural. I liked how you succinctly expressed it.
Apt yet very impressive!
Always appreciate your
Always appreciate your thoughts Onyinyechi! Thank you!
Cheers
Hi
A LOT put into such few words. I have no suggestions to offer
Assuming you enjoyed the
Assuming you enjoyed the piece Scrib, so that's how I'll take your comments.
Like many of my poems, this one started out quite a bit longer. For better or worse, I spend a LOT of time carving them down to only what I think is necessary to convey my thoughts, imagery, and message (and boy is this painful when I really like a phrase or a stanza but it doesn't fit within the poem's flow, logic, or my apparent obsession with brevity, LOL!). This approach also helps me avoid going off on tangents that might muddy some or all of the aforementioned elements.
Cheers
well
some of the greatest poems ever written are far from being brief so I'd not sacrifice what you love just to achieve brevity. After all, Frost could have just said " i came to a fork in the fall woods and decided to take the one less travelled"
Thanks Scrib! I don't see it
Thanks Scrib! I don't see it as a trade-off. It either works or it doesn't within the piece I'm writing. I have a large file of not-used items that often fit elsewhere. Maybe "painful" was the wrong term.
Cheers
At some point in our lives,
At some point in our lives, we have to loose someone so close and so dear. I feel your grief. Nice poem.
Thank you Ifeanyichukwu!
Thank you Ifeanyichukwu! Appreciate you taking the time to stop by and offer your thoughts.
Best
dear Michael,
I read the care and worry in your words of the poem...both you and your wife's courage shines through. please allow hope to carry you through this. I "wish" that your hope is rewarded. my favorite lines are:
I could never find the words
to offer as medals and ribbons
I wanted to give you
for wrestling and sparring
with a cruel and indifferent foe
*hugs to both of you, Cat
Thanks CW! Always appreciate
Thanks CW! Always appreciate your visits.
Best
Spare...
So very emotional, yet not overweight with wordy lines.
Kudos to you! I should try to do more with less once in awhile. ~ Geez.
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This was a tough loss some
This was a tough loss some years ago, so thanks for sharing your thoughts on this one Geez!
Best