docmaverick
docmaverick
Oct 03, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse

(Read More...)

His Story of a Fish Tale

Alone, I found myself with kids all grown
so I guess fate had given the nod,
there was nothing at all hindering me
so I decided to sail abroad.

I'd always yearned to see Europe
it appeared I'd been granted my wish,
so I traveled through England and Scotland, too
where I was also allowed to go fish!

When I returned I met with my daughter
for some ale, and a three foot-long sub;
I wanted to share of my journey
so we went to our favorite "pub".

I was excited and telling of villages
where I had fished, and made some new pals,
my daughter was listening, but had to go home
leaving me in the pub with two gals!

I thought I would speak to these ladies
two large gals from a shanty in Scottland,
I shared where I had gone fishing
and explained that my trip was just, grand!

l welcomed them to my part of America
as we sipped of libations, and tales;
I toasted of large women from Scotland
when they both shouted out, "No, it's WALES!"

I immediately corrected my error
and toasted of whales from Scotland, too;
the next thing I knew I was waking up
with my lips, pride, and eyes "black & blue"!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

12 years 6 months ago

I much liked the sense of humor all through the piece .
and the play with words in the title and in the word 'whales' and 'Wales'

However , if this were mine (I wish I can write like this) I 'd sort the lines in fours so as to read something like this:

Alone, I found myself with kids all grown
so I guess fate had given the nod,
there was nothing at all hindering me
so I decided to sail abroad.

I'd always yearned to see Europe
it appeared I'd been granted my wish,
so I traveled through England and Scotland, too
where I was also allowed to go fish!

When I returned I met with my daughter
for some ale, and a three foot-long sub;
I wanted to share of my journey
so we went to our favorite "pub".

I was excited and telling of villages
where I had fished, and made some new pals,
my daughter was listening, but had to go home
leaving me in the pub with two gals!

I thought I would speak to these ladies
two large gals from Newfoundland,
I shared where I had gone fishing
and explained that my trip was just, grand!

l welcomed them to my part of America
as we sipped of libations, and tales;
I toasted of large women from Scotland
when they both shouted out, "No, it's WALES!"

I immediately corrected my error
and toasted of whales from Scotland, too;
the next thing I knew I was waking up
with my lips, pride, and eyes "black & blue"!

But know the decision is all yours because I have enjoyed it any way

Thanks for sharing .

docmaverick

...I appreciate your kind words. Believe it or not, I originally had it in as you would've fashioned it....but thought otherwise. Go figure. At any rate, I've revisited that decision, thanx to you.
Sincerely, thanx.
doc.

judyanne

a fun tale... is this a whole story doc, or are you going to add to it?

I love the humour and the word-play, especially with ‘whales’ and ‘wales’…

one tiny thing – there are a lot of ‘so’s
perhaps you could change a few lines, so as there are not so many of them?

also – perhaps (imo I stress) it would be an easier read if the meter was a little more tight
but as I say, that is just me probably

love judy
xxx

docmaverick

...a silly ass joke, really....I'm pleased it brought a grin. No, I'm going to abandon this one, (translation:syn;"done deal"); and try and finished this fiasco I've started putting effort into, and have recieved but, an ailing yield.
Maybe, in the long run it'll be a grin/grin situation!?
doc :-{)