Coal-bright heat
pulsates a primal beat,
this light burns white
in the squalid night.
The windswept fury
in a drunken flurry,
toppled kerosene lamp
leaves the table damp.
Morning slips in sly,
waking the bleary eye;
pollen grain breezes
peddles raucous sneezes.
Comments
CB
CB,
can't believe this one hasn't yet had a comment.
Very tight rhyming and tempo to this...perfectly paced, whether read fast or slow.
Again well created images and done with few words, never an easy thing.
Only criticism...is I wanted a few more verses, from a selfish point of view.
Loved the final stanza!
HS
So was I, HS
beginning to wonder if this poem had gone so wrong at some point. Thanks for commenting though. And understand that I get where you are coming from with the wanting of more verses. I try to be as succinct as I can in my writing. It is a top most challenge for me to keep poems as short as possible.... and yet many of my poems can and probably should be lengthened. Maybe one day... and hopefully when that day arrives we will be both there to share their journey as we have here. Cheers, CB/FK :-)
Happy to...
...take that journey with you.
regards,
HS