A pops love
for his wife
of those years
gone passed aside
when simplistic love
alone did only reside
there were few divorces
on the screen
marriage was
love and compromise
mainly
how really sad.....
now it is not like that
be happy
you had a dad
like he.....
and follow him
will thee
Comments
the first two stanzas
are good, they begin something, but then after
'now sad.....
it is not like that'
is waffle, that third stanza is confused, almost not making sense...
you need a stronger finish. ..
love judy
xxx
show me the strength
that I should have shown
to the one who so spoke
about divorces and dads of yore
Hi loved
The good old days when love was meant to be for ever. This poem has too good a beginning and premise to just trail off as it does. You can finish more strongly with a bit of effort and wind up with wonderful instead of just OK.........stan
thanks Stan shall try
but whenever I try
to mend broken chips
I flounder
still give a slice
of bread
to try again
morsel's worth t!
try removing
when lived dear dad
must be passed at least seventy
but a lovely wife he must have had
all devoted to his loving memory
as was then he
and then see if you feel anything more is needed ...
Just a suggestion...
Love judy
xxx
thy word
is my command for me
I obey judy
you fly high above me
and forever shall
as my wings are clipped
tis sad!
do you like it better?
You shouldn't follow my suggestions like a sheep, you need to be understanding the 'why'.... can you see a difference, and do you like it, or not? And why?
xxx
sheep ....no sheep ....weep no weeep
I slashed the waffle
unwanted words
meaning obvious
and
good you taught
this novice poet
thanks
judy
novish puet