I sit highlighting, citing, writing
what I need you to know.
In lines I'm laying, simply saying:
why did you have to go?
From world that’s turning; botched and burning,
with pen, I stand aloof.
In words I’m weaving, grieving, leaving
a page, as pledge and proof.
Of how I’m feeling – raw, unhealing,
on this cruel heartbreak day.
As I sit dreaming, tears are streaming
now that you’ve gone away.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Heartbreak Day" effectively captures the emotions and pain associated with a broken heart. The use of vivid imagery and strong emotions creates a sense of longing and despair. The repetition of certain phrases, such as "I sit" and "In lines I'm laying," adds emphasis and rhythm to the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to vary the structure and rhythm of the poem. While the repetition can be effective, it can also become monotonous if used too frequently. Consider experimenting with different line lengths, stanza breaks, or even incorporating other poetic devices such as enjambment or internal rhyme to add more depth and complexity to the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete imagery. Instead of using general phrases like "world that's turning" or "tears are streaming," try to paint a more vivid picture by using sensory details or specific metaphors. This will help the reader connect more deeply with the emotions being expressed.
Overall, "Heartbreak
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I felt the...
trauma of a war-weary soul, the sickness that you feel. It shouldn't be necessary for any country to have to protect themselves
from vicious terrorists. The citizenry should be immune from attack, period! I felt that the lines of the poem were almost like headlines of news services. So much so, that I didn't pay much attention to the actual structure other than the rhyming!
I guess depending on how you wanted to present this work, that could be a good thing or a bad thing, or even somewhere in-between. I thought that the poem was written in a particular manner to bring attention to the cause, in a way that cannot be misconstrued, as anything other than sympathy for the population. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
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