Haiku Pink cherry blossom fading

Pink cherry blossoms
overcome by signs of spring
sprouts of green foliage

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

Comments

Hello Barbara,

I like your traditional approach with this haiku. I have a lot of trouble keeping my haikus purely about nature. They almost always end up as senryus! If I may say so, I think the last line has one too many syllables. Do you think something like "green foliage sprouts" would work?

If I may make one more suggestion, I think the part of the title, "blossom fading" would be a great title by itself.

Swamp

Thanks for your suggestions. I appreciate it. And hope to hear from you again. But I beg to differ. I recounted the syllables.
I think it's 5 - sprouts of green fo liage.
Green foliage sprouts- sounds too easy to me. And blossom fading- is not as eye catching or unique to me.
I'll read some of yours

Hey Barbara

I pronounce it fo-lee-ig, but the changes you make are always up to you! Thanks for understanding.

Swamp

thanks I appreciate the suggestion

Barbara one for the road

Squeaks among the faded blooms
Memories recharged again

Pear tree is in leaf
Sanctuary, blackbirds nest
New cycle of life.

Actually in my garden now take care over there,
Yours as always Ian.T

Ian

Thanks A beautiful one.

Ian

Would you like to finish this one now?
It is beautiful how you expand my poetry with your additions

"I put some words on another place here can we sort out a running Blog for this new Renga 6.
Your words:-
.
Pink cherry blossoms
overcome by signs of spring
sprouts of green foliage.

My words were:-

Squeaks among the faded blooms
Memories recharged again

Pear tree is in leaf
Sanctuary, blackbirds nest
New cycle of life.

New words from, Barbara then Alid:-

Rid self of clandestine thoughts
Dissembling friendships dark doubts

Let enmity die
So that friendship blooms anew
In its true beauty
Yours as always Ian.T"

It is a lovely one

Renga 6*

Pink cherry blossoms
overcome by signs of spring
sprouts of green foliage.
squeaks among the faded blooms
memories recharged again

Pear tree is in leaf
sanctuary, blackbirds nest
new cycle of life.
rid self of clandestine thoughts
dissembling friendships dark doubts

Let enmity die
so that friendship blooms anew
in its true beauty
under the cherry blossom
friends renga around the world

Co Writers
Barbara Writes
Ian T
Alidzain

Barbara, Ian, Alid

Happy that I did not miss this one..well connected co-write...