H sub Zero: She Loved Me

there is a large pile of numbers waiting to be analyzed
and yet i'm reading you through again.
you and your stupid crypticism
i always prided myself on deciphering, and
i am tangled into your metaphors so deeply that i've become one.
that's all i am now, really. your metaphor.
because what purpose does a shell have
the shell is what gets thrown away,
and the shell is empty.
what would you do with me now
an empty shell?
is that why we threw it away?
i want to know if you gave up.
all those times you accused me of it,
and i said no. i said never.
i meant it and i could not understand
why you couldn't see that.
but i will sit and console her regardless
i will tell her that everything passes,
and at the same time i will wonder if she's talked to you
if you talk to her about me.
every single day i think about you.
and almost as often
i think about him. was there a him?
did that little girl lie to me like she has before
did you mean that you still want me?
what the fuck does it even mean.
do you crave a pair of arms
as badly as i crave a fix
of anything
just make it stop
i want to know if he fills you up
sits in your stomach and expands
i want to know if i ruined faerie lights over
slow deep kisses, more like soul searches
because it sure as hell means nothing to me now.
i hope it's obvious.
i want to know who you felt in your fingers and toes.
i want to know
did you feel me.