DAY or NIGHT

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Groovin'... [The October contest]

The mist of night still lingers
Hugging close to the ground
Slinking along on it's belly
Muting, all of dawn's sounds

A faint little scratching and rustle
The shake of leaves on a tree
Announce the waking of squirrels
Come to look down on me

A long and then two short whistles
A bird I've never seen
I do a pretty good mocking
He answers through the green

While I play this musical game
The sun crept over the hill
I didn't get to see my bird
I guess I never will

A brook that always mumbles
Seems to have come awake
Bright light shines, on it's surface
Turtles out to bake

A lone crow sits in the top of a tree
Eyes black and watching out
As I leave this place, my retreat
I hear him give a shout

Caw all you like, my feathered friend
Too late, you saw me move
I'm finished here, I'm leaving
I just got my groove

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Nice one Joe, conforming to

Nice one Geezer, conforming to the Contest norms set by Stan

How about a small change
A lone crow sits in the top of a tree
[A lone crow sitting atop a tree]

I believe if you shorten the length of the First Verse of the Last Stanxa, it would run smoother...just a suggestion...

I really like this one..

Regards,

to denote the beginning of the end of the poem. I think that it gives the sense of: "Ok, here we go, here comes the end of this story." I'm glad that you like this one, it was intended to give the reader a little bit of insight into what is happening in the woods at that time of day; the early hours of morning. Thank you for your suggestion, but I think that I will leave it as is. ~ Gee

gee

ah, you're a real contender, aren't you? this is better than mine, I think. Anyway I join to practce my rhyming. Really envy people who can do it effortlessly.

Alid

We'll see...

Believe me, it's not effortlessly. I do seem to have a knack for rhyme, but I have worked at it. If you practice and really like what you are doing, you will get to a level that will enable others to say that you are a wordsmith. You Have the feeling for it and I'm sure that you will achieve your goals. You have great stories. ~ Gee

gee

thanks for the encouragement.