When the morning aroma
brushed an olive tree,
it sent my soul free.
hushed the nestlings,
as if mystic lullabies.
silenced the angry waves,
and calmed the sea.
It stamped each blooming rose-bud
with an exquisite freshness
announcing a new day
for you and me.
Feb 19, 2013
A Greeting from Palestine
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lovely imagery rula
lovely imagery rula
I really like this write
imo it needs a few words culled – just me as you know
my ideas -
When the morning aroma
brushed an olive tree (at Home)
it sent my soul free(.-,)
( It) hushed the nestlings
as if mystic lullabies (. -,)
( It) silenced the angry waves
and buffered the sea (, -.)
It stamped each blooming rose-bud
with an exquisite freshness
( announcing – to announce) a new day
(to – for) YOU and ME. and I would lose the caps with ‘you/me’
love judy
xxx
.
Dear judy
Thanks for reading , the suggestions and the heads up.
I intentionally repeated the (it)as a kind of emphasise. Know what I mean?
Hi Rula
If only all people were willing to greet change as easily as they do a new day. I would consider changing hushed to hushing and maybe check over the punctuation mark placements. And buffered......I know the word perfectly describes what I think you intend to convey but for some reason it doesn't seem to fit this poem. Maybe calmed or oiled or some such? Just my thoughts on this worthy poem..............stan
hello Stan
Thanks for the suggestions . I 'm not sure about hushing as all is stated in s past but sure i liked calmed better. Thank you
Palestine
I went there and this is so evocative. Thank you