Unca Fez
Unca Fez
Dec 03, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

12/23 Granma's Kitchen 🏆 Winner

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Grandma's Kitchen

On cold winter mornings,
Coal-burning furnace yet unlit,
Toes curled from the frigid wooden floor,
Grandma’s kitchen was a warm haven;
The wood-burning stove radiating comfort.

Hands wrapped ‘round hot Postum,
I listened in rapture to her tales
Of strange happenings on Otter Lake
And what her life was like
Long before I was born.

The waterspout in the middle of the lake.
The whirlpool that appeared and vanished.
My grandfather's record-setting muskie.
The C. C. C. camp across the bay.
All a fascinating tapestry for a young boy.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Wisconsin, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Candlewitch: I've been reading her poetry for over forty years.

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and sensory details to transport the reader to "Grandma's Kitchen". However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further development.

Firstly, the poem could explore the emotional connection between the speaker and the grandmother more deeply. While the poem does a good job of setting the scene and recounting the grandmother's tales, it doesn't delve into how these stories and the setting affect the speaker emotionally. This could add another layer of depth to the poem.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most of the lines in the poem are of similar length, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Experimenting with different line lengths could add more rhythm and interest to the poem.

Lastly, the poem could use more specific details in the grandmother's tales. For example, instead of simply stating "The waterspout in the middle of the lake", the poem could describe what the waterspout looked like, how it made the grandmother feel, etc. This would make the tales more engaging and memorable for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

This has a lovely charm about it although I don't recognise some of the references, I think that's geographical? What is a CCC camp?
Your words express a childs feelings. I particulalrly liked the use of "rapture" in the poem.
A great job well done, Ruby :) xx

Unca Fez

The references are geographical. Otter Lake is a small lake in the northern Wisconsin of Elcho. My mother grew up there. A CCC camp is uniquely American. It stands for Civilian Conservation Corp. It was one of the programs that President Roosevelt put in place during the depression in the 1930's. As a child, I wondered about the abandoned buildings across the bay. Grandma had lived through that era and told me about it.

This is probably my favorite memory of my grandmother. On these mornings, I didn't have to share her with anyone. We just sat and talked.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Geezer

You know, I think they still make that stuff. I remember it well. Yeah, grandma and Aunt Kit's kitchen was the heart of the house. especially during the winter. Nice memories, and I thought that maybe there is a universal Grandma's Club or something, that many of them belong to. LoL ~ Geez.
.

Unca Fez

Postum is still available, though I don't know if the formula is the same. Cat has confirmed that she had a member of the Grandma's Club in her life, as well. A nice thought.

Thanks for the read and comments.

Candlewitch

My favorite lines (were hard to choose)

"Hands wrapped ‘round hot Postum,
I listened in rapture to her tales
Of strange happenings on Otter Lake
And what her life was like
Long before I was born."

I love when you tell me stories from your childhood! I think you were blessed by grandmothers in your life...you know that I had one great one and one who dubbed me 'Demon Spawn' because she hated my Dad.
I have terrific memories of my great grandmother on my mother's father's side (the Waggoner's side) my mother and I spent the night in her big feather bed (Coral was there too.) I was five. I remember the fireplace in the big room. The large feather bed which held us, and the terrific stories g-ma told! I loved her ghost stories especially the ones she said were true!

I could well relate to getting out of bed in the very early mornings...so cold on the feet. The frosty breath came out blue! but her cups of steaming delight took the edge off the cold! Do not be surprised if I ask you to tell me another tale from your past!

*love, (the)Cat

Lavender

Cherished memories! This feels like a friendly visit back in time with you and your grandmother. I tend to like final lines and yours is such a nice visual -- like a fine quilt woven with the fondest of memories.
Thank you!
L

Unca Fez

My grandparents home on Otter Lake was perfect for for a young boy. I have memories of fishing off the end of the dock, helping my great-uncle collect maple sap for his sugar shack, and sitting in the living room, listening to my mother read "Toby Tyler" to us. A lot of good memories there.