judyanne
judyanne
Oct 27, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

fixed verse – it's not a curse

(Read More...)

goodbye

today goodbye I said to you
without too much ado
you’ve been a faithful long-time friend
but all good things do end

your loyalty's begun to slip
no longer fit or hip
and really you are getting old
thus running hot and cold

so often I felt like a clown
the times we went to town
and that is why I've dumped you for
this one I now adore

he's dressed so much more smart than you
(I got so sick of blue)
presenting cool and clean in white
he’s such a dazzling sight

he makes me feel just like a queen
when I’m with him I preen
I feel so proud when we are out
I simply want to shout

and stamina – he goes and goes
he sometimes even tows
I now can travel near or far
I have a decent car
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

12 years 6 months ago

 A new one?
 

my favorite lines
and stamina – he goes and goes
 he sometimes even tows
 now I can travel near or far
 i have a decent car.

P.s. i wonder if the lower case is intended all through? 

judyanne

i bought it a couple of months back really, but wanted to write something in verse form i don't usually use so tried tetrameter/trimeter, and found the emotion of the lines made me want to write something cute or funny -

and this just popped out (cos i did feel guilty when selling off old faithful lol and it felt like i was dropping a boyfriend)

as for capitals, i rarely use them or end-line punctuation in my writes... i do with narrative and some free verse - it all depends on how well i think the particular poem reads without it

thanks for the read and comments rula
love judy
xxx

loved

loved

12 years 6 months ago

hope you will sit in it
and go very far
and when you are ashore
other guys will ask for a ride
of that I'm quite sure
I shall also come along
and
hope your car
to take my overload
is sufficiently strong

judyanne

you are welcome to drive
with me anytime
i'm sure the suspension will take it
and if it does not
we'll sit and i'll rhyme
while you get the parts and remake it

love judy
xxx

judyanne

i could say i'm psychic
but
'hope your car
to take my overload
is sufficiently strong'
was a fair give-a-way, and might have
had something to do with it
lol
xxx

loved

walrus maybe
or a seal
or a rhino may bee
what else can one think of me
but in a car fit i will believe u mee
i have one too
hope all car owners knew

car called two legs

Seren

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

I love the rhythm of this one it has a real sing song beat ... throughly enjoyed

cant see anything to change but I will be back tomorrow im dead tired and cant get to sleep beds looking good though lol

love JC xxx