Michael Anthony
Michael Anthony
Mar 30, 2021

Good Morning

Wiping the sleep from your eyes
in your beautiful way,
breathtaking, really

It helps me see the extraordinary
hidden between the sameness
of ordinary days

Original Version (by request)

Good Morning

Wiping the sleep from your eyes
with an inexplicable grace;
in your beautiful way, breathtaking, really

I see the extraordinary
hidden between the sameness
of ordinary days

About This Poem

Last Few Words: An exercise in brevity. This was an interesting write, as it started out as a much longer poem. As I worked on it it kept getting shorter and shorter, and as it condensed it seemed to do a much better job with the message I was trying to convey - really just being amazed at the simple beauty we can find in seemingly innocuous motions of those we love (or just like, or maybe even just mildly esteem, LOL!).

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

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More from this author

Comments

A

I don't care for the second stanza as it tells me what I should be experiencing from reading the first stanza. It also shifts my focus from the event both ordinary and breathtaking to the author's thoughts about his own perceptions. I'd prefer to just feel the moment.

Lavender

Hello, Michael!
Sweet, sweet, sweet! The extraordinary is definitely most appreciated within the ordinary - nice, tender, and from the heart. I wonder if "inexplicable" is the right word...the poem feels so open and welcoming to simplicity. To me, that word feels just a bit too complex. You've again captured another magical moment.
Thank you!
L

Michael Anthony

Thanks for taking the time L! Funny you should key in on the "inexplicable" word in this piece. I really went back and forth with this, and tried a number of different terms but could not come up with a more fitting word for what I was trying to convey.

The thinking was that such a simple/beautiful/lovely, almost mysterious moment, if you will, could not be explained adequately or put into words, even within a poem. Inexplicable kept wanting to be put there. Perhaps a weakness in my descriptive/writing abilities if there was a better term that was overlooked that may have worked better.

Always appreciate your thoughts!

Best

Lavender

For me, "your beautiful way" and "breathtaking" are so lovely and graceful, I wonder if "with an explicable grace" is necessary. I feel the gentle adoration of the gesture, the simplicity of the moment captured in the rest of the stanza. Very lovely.

Wiping the sleep from your eyes
in your beautiful way,
breathtaking, really.

Thank you!
L

Michael Anthony

Thanks Mark!

Taking issue with the word Beautiful? Yer killing me here, LOL!

As I mentioned earlier, this was a much longer poem to begin with, but as I pared it down (severely), I liked it much better because of the simplicity. It worked better, IMO, saying less but allowing the reader to imagine whatever else they may have needed to see the moment I was trying to capture, if that makes sense.

Best

Michael Anthony

Done, and thank you T. I like both versions, and have kept them in my personal poetry journal. The discussions about this piece were very worthwhile for me, and the input from others will be useful going forward.

I hear you about the original piece. A writer, unless there is just an outright flaw in a poem, sometimes has to remember to stay true to their style, despite the opinions of others. A challenging balance sometimes.

Stay safe!

Best