I wrote a letter to God
On a lonely Tuesday evening
My heart I signed on it
With faith and smoke it flew.
I got a dove and laughter
After a smote from the rich grey beard
The sky eyes turns red as if to fight
And the rain drenched me.
He has eagle eyes and long hands
Like a shepherd to his sheep’s
Even if we experience open sore of faith
God is not evil.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Chiori
God is Not Evil
Apparently your poem clues me in that perhaps God needs defending as your title is framed in the negative. Freudian slip? and then you walk it back. Perhaps as you see this crazy world,deep down inside you keep a secret from yourself that God may be a criminal? Through off the taboos, write your truth,
A helpful strategy is read a lot of real good poems towards assimilation
Word search towards expanding your vocabulary options, and elasticize and strategize your phrasing
"On a lonely Tuesday evening"
who cares if its Tuesday
ex: in desolations darkness
Best regards
Z
as god is god
I think the basic idea is divinity is quite above good and evil. I think you need to go much deeper into the subject depending on which god is your god. Based on the first commandment of the most popular version in our culture, I would say god may not be evil, but has an ego issue.
Why is there "good" and "evil" . What is the "good". These are questions that go back to Socrates. The title of the poem catches ou attention,in that who would say god is evil? But in a world of such savagery, such endless consumption of one species over another, so many cruelties- from the spider eating his pray alive to the infanticide of every animal of prey. Big fish eat little, in a million variations.
Whose idea was this for creation? What drug was it doing?
You need to dig deeper to show that faith in his goodness wins, and better define evil for this reader.
I understant your point
I understand your point Eumolpus and sometimes i question myself why are they so, but i still believe they is a God up there.