To the Girl in the Gallery

Jess this u composed when you wanted it more than poetry in 1995

Since so much water has flowed
down
Thames and Mississippi
(in Aussie land have you any such rivers in Down Under .. I wonder may have to google it but later...)

I hope you never did leave her wanting
nor I also do hope you left her
for more to want
all women have faces and paces
as their time ages
some want more
and some say I want
no more

But as you are a man
all know
man always it! wants
ere his last day in hospice
he wants a last ejaculatory piss..
isn't it

in heaven no washroom there is...

lived this....
a hard bargain road
thinking of those that went to Spain
that could
or france
my older friends who did this in
the seventies
true wealthy bohemians
they discovered me at Twiggs a coffee shop
and then the repoire in the mall
or a honk and wave on our city
streets
the shy smiles at the check out
Im the forever flirt
that was crushed in upbringing
the hurt like a downed line
flickering and twisting like
a serpent with its bite

thank U!

to many "I want" to many come "come back"

it reads to me, if we remove everything else " I want to come, back!!"
very sexual isn't it. The true feelings of the write are lost to, I want, come back.
it sounds like begging, not like questions or statements.
That's how I see it. A re-write is needed.
If this was your intent, then forget all I said...

Eddie C.

I get it. Love it. Want to live it. Wish I had thought of it. In fact, I may have to go find a gallery (inviting my wife there, of course).

Your rhetorics of repetition gave to the piece some tumescence of the subtle soliloquies conjoined with sr of detailing the derail of love lost that is acceptable given the voice of diminuendo , the poet in the poem is less lyrical becos where ate the colorant of the figures of speech e

Your write contained too many wants, but as the wants became more insistent, it was acceptable.
I would have loved a good ending where you wanted life but as the whole write tailed off into that last look around and wanting to die, the write became good.
I remember long ago 1972-3 there was a guy at where I was working he started calling out she's alive, it ended up driving us nuts, I told him I would write a piece about it and have it published.
This piece is near the same theme as he called from the past, I will find it:- Found it but it is much too long for this reply I will post to stream, take care of you my friend and know that we are walking with you each day,
Yours Ian..