scribbler
Sep 19, 2011

GILDED ANNOUNCEMENT

Goldenrod explode on the road sides
on a cool day 'neath the leaden sky
with black eyed Susans close as brides,
yellows exhaled by fall's first sigh.

Among the forests poplars turn,
gold sprinkled among somber green
like specks of butter in a churn
foretelling colors yet unseen.

Not yet time for the orange blaze
of hickory or maple trees
glowing through calm morning haze
or flickering in a gentle breeze.

Nor has come the scheduled red
of holly berries and oak leaves
(or camelias in the flower bed)
after the first frost and freeze.

This announcement we all heed
has been so long awaited.
These first colors which will lead
to this season greatly anticipated.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

R

raj

13 years 7 months ago

a beautiful picture of Fall you have painted here..

i suggest you tweak up the second stanza to make it read smoother...one suggestion for line #8 could be

foretelling colors not yet seen
foretelling colors yet unseen

must say though that you relate to nature superbly...

S

Thank you. I'll probably let this gather a few more comments before editing...........stan

S

I'm not happy with that line either. Thanks for the read and suggestion...........stan

S

That sounds pretty good. I'll let sit a day or so before changes get made. Who knows, I might come up with an idea that uses yours with something of mine too lol...........stan

wesley snow

Hey friend, this is really pretty. It's a little frustrating knowing this is only place I can read some of you. I like Xena's alternative, but I think it needs an extra syllable. wesley