You played a game;
You thought me dumb;
You dumped your blame;
You checked my pulse;
I'm knocked down, but not out;
I'm ready, for another round;
You examined, my quieting thoughts,
You looked for signs of life;
In your face, like a rock,
I'm ready to fight, a ball of fire;
Lurking in my soul, there's a beast;
Protecting my heart, healing peace;
Comments
Powerful, Barbara
beautiful expression.
A few tiny quibbles-
if one is down for the count in boxing one is out.
Perhaps something like
I'm knocked down but not knocked out
a bit of over punctuation
You examined[,] my quieting thoughts,
lovely line
You found[,] me hot and bothered; [the phrase ' hot and bothered' usually has sexual connotations, is that what you mean?]
Lurking in my soul[,] there's a beast;
Great use of contrasting, paradoxical even, imagery to effect.
Good one. Your poetic voice just grows and grows.
Thanks
I'll work on the suggestions
I've had years of training from you guys
I hate having...
to critique after Jess. I do agree with everything he has said and can not find anything else to say, other than I like it! ~ Gee.
.
Thanks
Thanks
Glad you like I'll certainly work on the lil quibbles
my girl is not a mouse
But a wolverine
after our rows
business
why Wolvering I asked
'because they take all on'
we sharpen our edges
and fang and claw
mists and lava
Your works I admire
greatly
Thank You Barbara!
Mr W
Thanks
Always a pleasure to hear from you.