She reclined on her raft with a regal ease,
suspended on the cool reservoir waters.
Her eyes focused on some intense thought, blind to the desert horizon.
she turned and looked into my heart, I found myself tangled in her gaze.
A smile crept upon her perfect lips
the light caught the facets in her calming look and I knew as we looked into the others soul,
this is where loves essence has tried to hide and I could see my future in her eyes
Jul 13, 2021
The future where love hides
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
While I am not...
the biggest fan of romantic poetry, I do believe that you have written some really good lines here. I would use a different word in the line "A smile [eased] it's way across her face." Maybe something like: A smile [crept] it's way across her face? It would send the same and maybe better sense of [ease] or sneak. ~ Geezer.
.
eased or crept
I chose eased as it seemed to best fit the whole water motif (in my mind anyway) but I like crept better it does have more sly connotations and hints at something a bit more mischievous
Oh, yes...
I like it much better! ~ Geez.
.
Oh, yes...
I like it much better! ~ Geez.
.