On the sidewalk
she laid there,
a delicate island
surrounded by stone.
How long had she lain
In fear of being trampled
by important, impatient
people, I do not know.
But when she saw me
it seemed, I could be wrong,
but colors seemed to brighten
and her sweet scent exuded.
She came into my hands
thankful -her bruised
and tender head.
But such sweet scent,
her lovely face,
were more thanks
then ever I could repay.
Comments
Hi tyro
is this about a bruised and abandoned puppy? If so i liked the metaphors and could inhale the scent of gratitude expressed when caring hands gave a human touch...
............................................................................................................
Hi raj,
Hi raj,
no metaphor, its about a flower, literally.
Hi again Tyro
though you say that this poem is literally about a poem....it also connects pretty well with those separated immigrant children kept in cages waiting in fear about their future and how they would love to be cared for and connected even if not with their biological parents at least to be noticed and adopted....just a thought I wanted to share...it is said that "children are Godsend Flowers"
...............................................................................................
Tyro
ok...thanks for the clarification....the poem is beautiful
.............................................
Hello tyro
I thought that taking the time to think of how might a flower/rose think means a lot
This piece has both folded and unfurled nobilty to it.
However, I haven't got why should the "flower found" has a bruised head? Seems like I've missed sth. between the lines.
Also I thought some typographical issues need your attention.
Thanks for sharing.
Hello dear Rula
Hello dear Rula
always nice to hear from you.
"a delicate island
surrounded by stone".
the flower had to fall, or was discarded; that in itself would cause a bruise.
"How long had she lain
In fear of being trampled"
It was not trampled on but perhaps it was brushed against by the shoes of passersby.
I like how you captured the
I like how you captured the love someone (or something) has for the one who gives them gentle, restorative attention. as popular as flowers are in poetry, this might be the first time I've seen a flower personified. nice poem!
greg
thanks greg
thanks greg
I appreciate your comment
Hi tyro
tried to capture the essence of your touching poem in Sunku form as much as I could do justice to it. forgive me if i have erred somewhere...
in fear
she lies prone
and crestfallen
tender
fingers lifted
her in embrace
weathered
face infused
with gracious scent
...............................................................................
YOUR POETRY is so soothing like droplets from a waterfall
and that's why
I read all your poetry after all
I love roses see my logo or avatar
it's a ROSE
Thank you very much Lovedly
Thank you very much Lovedly
I appreciate your comment.
Nice raj
Nice raj
I like the second one best.
good to know tyro that you
good to know tyro that you were not offended by my experimentation...noted that you liked the second stanza ...not sure though as to to what extent the Sunku captures the essence of your lovely poem...
........................................................................................................
one point I'd wish now to make
if a poem is non metaphorical
then actuality cannot be sacrificed
how can an inanimate
''flower or rose think!!!!
as raj had said earlier
a puppy perhaps could
I wonder
kindly enlighten me
tyro
Hi Lovedly
the poem is not metaphorical because the flower does not represent any idea other than itself;
I only personified the flower so it could express an interaction between us.
Hello Purplerose
think you for your comment, and especially thank you for pointing to a weakness point.(I could see the flower growing as I read)
I have edited the second line to read, "she laid there" because she laid on the sidewalk.
thanks Purplerose for improving the poem.