brittle light
brittle light
Jun 19, 2018

Flashes of the BBC

under thunderstorms and candle light
we wait, a whimpering dog and me,
listening to old wartime broadcasts through
the infernal static of an
ancient battery powered radio

( this is where it gets eerie)

It begins to feel like 1942

I start listening intently
trying to catch every nuance
wondering how our guys are doing
hoping for some good news
twitching in anticipation

I was hearing a story I already knew
but was still anxious about how it would end

funny how that is, getting so involved

I guess that's the power of storytelling

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

6 years 10 months ago

the message in your poem took me back to my schooldays when our history teacher made the difference between making history better or worse..unfortunately it was the later and made me lose interest in history....you are right how the story is narrated is very important...
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brittle light

How can one make history better or worse?

do you mean something like "the victorious write the history"
or how a narrative is framed by an historian
or did you simply mean she was a bad boring teacher?

anyway...thanks for coming by

R

Al, what i meant was that a teacher with good narrative skill could have stimulated my interest in History [subject] than get me sleepy eyes with a boring rhetoric...
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chevyvent

Made me think about the movie I saw, French, I think, of a young couple on their honeymoon in the south of France where she pricked her finger on a rose and started bleeding. Having the disease where one bleeds and the blood is not clot (hemophilia?) They returned to Paris, I remember, where she died. Very sad, like your poem
is a great metaphor for the very personal way loss affects us. For the sound we hear in the shell is actually the magnified sound of our own blood pumping through our veins to supply our brain with the nourishment it needs to think the sad thoughts that we put in these poems
that anyone can relate to. It also tells us that almost any person, place. or thing can be converted into a poem in the hands of a thoughtful writer. Welcome to Neopoet Looking forward to more of your words.

gregwa8

"I was hearing a story I already knew, but was still anxious about how it would end." nice. your poem about storytelling is a gripping story itself.

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

Dear Al,
The description of the feeling of involvement is powerful and the ending is great.
Maybe because of that I envy the listener and want to know more about what he hears?
I wonder if developing the middle - I need a few more powerful details - adds some balance to the poem?

brittle light

I agree, it does seem a little lean in the middle
I need to practice my patience, and let things simmer a bit longer on the back burner instead of serving them up, under cooked

thanks for reminding me

.

IRiz

You can always edit later on. I think it is a pleasant, very pleasant poem anyway.
I often post something that I feel is good at the moment and only later see how it could be improved. The editing option saves the day.

weirdelf

Perfection in setting the scene.

Then, I quite strongly feel
( this is where it gets eerie)
is entirely superfluous, and even the last two lines.

Though if all three were chopped it would be an entirely different poem and might need a bit more actual story-telling. Wodjareckon?