Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Mar 06, 2024
This poem is part of the challenge:

03/24 Looking At The Stars

(Read More...)

Fishing Under The Stars

Daddy woke me up very early,
Said we would go out
fishing for our breakfast,
have a good time, no doubt

The sky was still very dark but alive
as we gathered ourselves in the boat.
No motor broke the silence, only oars,
we paddled out a way, then just float...

I was seven but I could bait my own hook
Just as I was taught, he smiled down on me,
using worms, I took care of daddy's line too
we anchored in a cove under the bower of a tree.

marveling at the heavens alight with diamonds
pointing out each constellation reflected in his eye.
Catching sunfish, crappies, bluegills and perch
by the rising of the morning star, we had enough to fry

I cleaned and gutted the smaller fish, washing them, too
Daddy told me about the Large Mouth Bass that got away.
We both dreamed our own special fish-related reveries
as the stars receded and the night was swallowed by the day

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hello AI, this poem is from a seven year old's point of view!

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Under The Stars" effectively uses imagery to create a vivid picture of a father and child's fishing trip. The narrative style is engaging and the use of simple, straightforward language adds to the authenticity of the experience.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second stanza has a different rhythm than the first and third stanzas. It may be beneficial to revise the poem to have a more consistent rhythm throughout.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more use of figurative language. While the descriptions are clear, they are mostly literal. Incorporating more metaphors or similes could add depth to the imagery and make the poem more engaging.

Lastly, the poem could explore the emotional dynamics between the father and child more deeply. While the activities they engage in are clearly described, the emotional connection between them could be further developed. This could be achieved through more introspective moments or through more detailed descriptions of their interactions.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

well done for a seven-year-old. And the telling of the tale, sounded like one would sound if she wrote it in her diary.
Trying to use words like reveries, was typical of someone who was aware of the emphasis placed on knowledge, even at the
age of seven. Wish I had had a dad to take me fishing. ~ Geez.
.
.

Candlewitch

At the age of five, I was introduced to the "Readers Digest" by my crazy mom, I gobbled it up! She was an avid reader and passed it on down to me (and I do not mean "Romance Novels", either! lol) I would ask about the words I did not know...she referred me to the dictionary! When I was seven we purchased the encyclopedia from a to z! I spent a lot of time with my nose in them. we also had a lovely poetry book titled : Magic Casements. I read from cover to cover!

I also wish you had a Dad who took you fishing when you were a boy, but I must say; you grew up to be a fine specimen of a man and poet. you have wonderful qualities I bet you got them from your mother,

Lavender

Hi, Cat,
Did this really happen? You have so many wonderful memories of your time with your father. If I recall correctly, you've had other poetry about fishing with him? The best of times.
Thank you,
L

Candlewitch

Yes, Lavender, it really happened. Unfortunately, It was our last of fishing together. The big Divorce happened that Winter... but we did so many things. teaching me to clean a gun, he took me target practicing, and taught me his philosophies which I still live by. One of them was; Identify your target!. Do not shoot until you have identified your target, friend or foe. and many other, most of them just simple logic. I think I have other poetry about my Dad, yes, maybe another about fishing! Thank you for reading and asking questions. I appreciate it!

*hugs, Cat

Unca Fez

Memories like this are to be treasured. For me, such memories revolve around my maternal grandfather (the one in the picture holding a chipmunk in his hand). There is a peace in such memories that is sorely needed as we get older.

RoseBlack

My father and I had one fishing adventure which resulted in a rather persistent goose trying to steal the cookies my mother sent with me. We didn't catch anything that day but a really fun memory. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Candlewitch

thank you, and I hope that you write a poem about it...if you have one already written, I want to read about it! thank you for telling me about your adventure, geese can be very persistent!

*hugs, Cat

S

You have reminded me how long its been since I went fishing much less fished in the dark. Thank you

Candlewitch

this was one of the favorite things I did with my Dad. He also took me and my sister horseback riding. After the divorce, he took me to a movie and dinner. I missed the outdoor things that we did. thank you for reading and responding :)

*hugs, Cat