fishbowl

why do
thoughts of you
fool me out
of sleep
take me backwards
through old movies
their grainy memories
blur colors into gray
walls waved with
angry admissions; we
both had little control,
tore each other like
wolves rip their prey

if i could return
to a time
where us
had not yet taken place
i may find where the dreams went

still asleep in
some corner
waiting
to be discovered
and not smashed
on the rocks
of indecision

the thing of it is
i am not sure if
what we became
was born of madness

the words
of poetry lived

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

Comments

hmmm....

Not much of a free verse writer so I can only say I liked it and wonder if last 2 lines are needed..........scribbler

Thanks but as it is deeply

Thanks but as it is deeply personal here those last lines are needed. Just seem irrelevant to those who don't know.

You are

so kind :) *hugs*

Another great free verse CC

I can relate so much to the last two poems of you and your pen. I really like this part of this one

still asleep in
some corner
waiting
to be discovered
and not smashed
on the rocks
of indecision

the rocks of indecision. Don't we all fall or lean on that rock at one or another time in our life. This is emotive poetry and done well.

Blessings
Mona

hi there

i like the title and these lines best
"take me backwards
through old movies
their grainy memories
blur colors into gray
walls waved with
angry admissions" you said this is" deeply personal" so I guess
your not looking for crit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,enjoyed the read ,,,,zigs