Neopet Random Challenge # 14

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Fighting for Throne

Fighting for the throne
From what you've heard
This throne is power and virtue
and you would be enslaved

Fighting for the throne
with heart and mind
Using subzero strategy
you will lose your objective

Fighting for the throne
with a pure heart
Your safety is in hand
and your vote will be counted

Fighting for the throne
With the voice of a plebian
simple and straight-forward
only your heart will be free.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Osun, NGA

Favorite Poets: William Wordsworth

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Repetition heightens poetic effect!

To convey poet's intention,...
some times meaning accrues through repetition and emphasize a particular point. It creates rhythm or it develop a sense of urgency. It also draws the attention of the reader. Repetition of a phrase can convince it's reader of a truth. Yet, it can create a sense of boredom and complacency.

The only suggestion I can offer here, upper case is acceptable in every single line if after comma is a proper noun.

I would like to read more of your works!
Nice piece!
Welcome to neopoet!

From Jackwebb!

I am sure that...

you will
be advised to keep reading and learning
how to present a line and write great poetry.
You have great ideas and I like your theme.
Applying some little changes will make your work sing.

Fighting for [the] throne
[From] what you've heard
[This] throne is power and virtue
and you would be enslave[d]

Fighting for the throne
with heart and mind
[Using] subzero strategy
you will lose your objective