His grey eyes barely visible
in between green blades of grass
though crouched he stood
in readihood
his hunting skills first class.
~
The breeze was in his favor
plus, he was hidden in tall reed
an awkward stance
will eat circumstance
so his best is what he'll need
~
A polished element of surprise
and rehearsed moves he knows so well
he's honed each skill
with intent to kill
quietly longing for death's smell
~
All surrounding circumstances
fade clean away for each cat;
they couldn't care less
so what? If they make a mess
they practiced looking like they meant to do "that
Comments
Interesting structure, I like it
and a nice glimpse into felinity.
I think the ellipsis and inverted commas detract rather than add.
I see the revisions you just made
those commas weren't necessary but inverted commas are these things " ". And they definitely disrupt the flow of the read.
elfman....
...didn't have the time to answer you. Here I thought I was being more clear.
doc.