Terrorists of the worst kind
Angry men who yearn to rule
Likely to all good things blind
Insane, blatering fool's tool
Brutal to their own women
Always willing to do them in
No prophet would claim them kin
Cruel for cruelty's sake
Only hatred fills their hearts
Women's freedoms they forsake
Against all good the Koran imparts
Rape and power their sole goal
Don't you know the Taliban?
Sinners living with no soul
Last Few Words: Written in response to the attempted murder of the young girl whose only "sin" was going to school............stan By the way, this is an acrostic
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dreaded Ground
Sensitive subject, frank talk and a swipe at terrorism. Did you mean 'sole goal' in line 12? I also see a change in the rhyme scheme in the second stanza. The caption presupposes a believe wrongly applied, what if these believers are true to what they represent, terrorism. That is if you see terrorism as a religion in the guise of another. Well done and best wishes.
tr
Hi tr
Thanks for the typo spot. Yes there is a rhyme scheme change but since most acrostics have no rhyme at all I thought I might get away with it here lol. And I had never even thought that terrorism itself could be considered a religion. Something to think about................stan
Glad you told us twas an acrostic
Glad you told us twas an acrostic
I was about to my neck stick
but beauty lies in poetry
emotion ...
who says it must always rhyme
while composing an acrostic
you commit no crime
rhyme or no rhyme
it was acrostic I wrote for quite some time
till someone told me
you are...
that is I was
an expert of the kind
now you all follow
the free verse
of loved's mind...
Hi loved
I U sually S pace O ut the first letter of each line when I do an acrostic but thought I'd tease with this one lol. Thanks for visiting...........stan
yes that's better
since this site has no facilty of highlighting
dark bul
D
........B
So
D...ARK
B....ULL
ShOULD JUSTIFY
as you acrostify...
H..AAA
S..tan
great write stan
i'm not sure if it is mandatory, and it very probably is not, but acrostics are usually titled as the acrostic (if you know what i mean) - so this i believe should be titled 'talaban cowards'...
and (lol) great meter :)
love judy
xxx
with all the comments re the
with all the comments re the political and social text of this write
i just feel i want to clarify stan, that my review was of the mechanics of the poem only
i do not want to comment re the subject, as i see all sides i'm afraid
love judy
xxx
Hey J
As I told loved above, I usually make it pretty obvious when I write an acrostic but decided to see if folks would realize what this is without doing so. Then I Did identify it as such in writer comment lol. And yes Taliban Cowards is correct..............stan PS this acrostic is a specifical response to those brave men who boarded a bus and tried to murder an innocent young girl because she had "offended" them by having the audacity to go to school and encourage other girls to do the same. What brave men they are...............stan
Stan,
The title drew me in. Those people believe that theirs is the one
true religion, they've taken the Islamic faith back to it's beginning,
which allows women to be treated in a manner that doesn't sit
well with the rest of the world. Terrorism is practiced by many.
False believers also encompasses a wide range of extreme
faiths.
Your anger helped you with this write, my only problem is that
you've not done your homework, researched your subject. It
seems you've written in haste, gone by bias news reports. While
it is true, the backward manner they treat their women, they feel
they are being true to their religion. It is easy to sit back and call
any faith false, very easy for me for I feel they are all (religions)
ass backwards from anything we as human beings should be
basing our lives on in this day and time, I try not to say so but
sometimes I feel everyone needs to hear a truth.
sorry for going on Stan, it was your poem that did it.
Richard
Hi Richard
In my opinion any person is entitled to their own beliefs.......................right up to the point where they attempt to impose it on others at the muzzle of a gun. Any religion which requires of its followers what the taliban requires is in my opinion a false one. If they were honest the taliban would declare their religion to actually be terrorism.
And thanks for the response. I reckon I did OK if my scribble brings about a discussion of this heinous bunch of murderers...............stan
Guns
are held by many, including American soldiers, the results are
the same, innocent women and children's lives are wasted.
When committed by ours or (for most people here) Israel,
it is called the perils of War and not called terrorism, at least
by us, but how do you think the rest of the world sees it.
I don't want to misrepresent myself here, I believe that all people
should be treated fairly so I do not agree with holding women
back from education or anything else available, or anyone being
force fed any religion.
Hi Richard
There are clear distinctions between those civilians accidendally killed in war and civilians targeted on purpose in acts of terrorism. One is accidental and the other is an act carried out on purpose. The Israeli problem will likely never be solved unless her neighbors agree that Israel has a right to exist. And I'm not holding my breath on that happening................stan
Stan,
Thank you for helping to prove my point, the distinction
is viewed the same way by many Here, but less so to the
individuals receiving and witnessing said Accidental casualties.
Innocent people dead remain dead.
Richard the Moonman
I am a Muslim but I couldn't have said it better than you did. Thank you for clarifing where are these people coming from. May be if I did this first I will be accused as a Terrorist but NO I am a Muslim Woman who prefer to live under the Taliban's domain than under all the corrupted systems which are ruling in the Islamic World.
Stan, sorry , I think you can do a better job talking about the beauty of Nature. Your strolls there are some kind of peace. Of course I am not talking about the language usage or mechanics. You have got my point, haven't you?
Rula,
That is something I omitted from my statement as I'm not
and don't claim to be very knowledgeable when it comes to
how the women actually feel, I know some feel oppressed
but I also know that some embrace this form of Islam as
you must. Thank you for saying so, I would very much like
to speak to you more, if you wouldn't mind.
Richard
I don't mind it Richard
any time for a better understanding I hope.
hi Rula
Not all Muslims are Taliban, and I expect not all Taliban are comfortable with the actions of the cowards who attempted to kill this innocent girl. Have you considered that YOU would also be targeted for death among these cowards? For you have committed the great offense of becoming litterate and also...gasp....gone out among us heathens via the internet. If I offend you with this poem I am sorry, but If I offended those who would murder I will never be apologetic..................stan PS as I stated above this poem is targeted at those among the Taliban who use terrorist tactics to spread their religion. Those who are willing to practice their religion in peace, whatever their religion are more than free to do so as far as I'm concerned..............
Stan!
They do what they do because they know how much the society is corrupted all around and try to protect their women. If they rule I shall freely abide with all their laws
hi Rula
I just can't agree with a form of religion which "protects" their women by killing them. What they are Really doing is protecting their own falsely elevated positions by murdering any and all who might even have the chance to learn that there are othe ways to live..............stan
Hi Stan!
I have told you what I know about those people and what they believe and it is up to you of course to agree or not to agree. What I know is that they kill women who commit adultery.DON'T believe everything you hear from the media reports.
Hi Rula
Not to worry. I Don't believe everything I hear on the media. But have you heard any other reason for the attempted murder of this innocent young girl? It is my understanding that the radical elements of the Taliban actually took responsibility for this attack.
There IS such thing as evil in this poor old world. In my opinion the worst evil is that committed by misguided fools in the name of Any religion. By false believers. Timothy Mc Veigh was a protestant who committed mass murder in the name of his beliefs....a false believer. Pol Pot killed millions in the name of his beliefs......a false believer.
I think most Muslims, Protestants, Catholics, Hindus, Buddists, Jews and others who worship a God are perfectly happy to live in peace and try by non-violent means to spread their beliefs and share them with others. But to murder and terrorize in the name of a religion will Never be right. It wasn't right when the crusaders did it and it's not right now when those who claim to be taliban and their ilk do so...........stan
life is full with all
kinds of evils Stan
Be safe and take care.This young girl has a God who will protect her against any curses if HE wishes.(by the way, I didn't hear anything about her here). It might be me only or the media .
Hi Rula
It may well be that her God has chosen to use her in order to point out the error in her attackers' way of thinking. At least one can hope this is the case. Best wishes.............stan
Stan
As usual a subject that is bad news is so in everyone's eyes.
I have had to stand and watch a woman being beaten by her man whether husband or what, I have seen a man tied to a fence for no reason not being able to do a thing, and many things I thought would be only seen in places like Africa.
This country, my home a place called England in all its shouting the odds with the world has the same thing going on, as probably yours also.
What can we say that is right, should we interfere should we look away or should we correct those sub humans where ever they are.
Your country has lost 2000 men/women in Afghanistan and many in other places, we have lost many also and support you in most every place as you do us.
Should we not ask of our own people, is it not time to help from our homes and not by force of arms, as that just doesn't work..
My Brother Bless him fought the Mau Mau in Kenya in the 50's where did that get anyone they took over in the end.
I was with the Sth African forces that fought in Namibia for many years it is now run by them, where does it end.
Man will never be any different until he knows, why he is here, and I don't have the answer for him, Yours Ian.T
Hi Ian
The problem with extremists such as the taligan and Al Queda is that they are not content with inflicting themselves on only their own country but believe it's their duty to put the entire world under their barbaric rule. As horrible as their transactions were before 9-11 we didn't go after them until they attacked us
It is my hope that eventually all right minded Muslims will extract the cancer of extremism from their own lands themselves. Until that time America will continue to respond to attacks by extremists as we have no choice but to do so......................stan
Stan
It was just a point that no matter what has been, and I cried on 9-11 and a few times since on seeing it and other things, when do we stop.
Who draws the line in the sand (An old Habit of ours here).
Have we the brains to be able to stop any more being killed, there are a lot of politician's that use global problems for their own gain, yet the man in the street just wants to be able to just live, have good health and food which we are capable of giving with him and at the same time make life here a joy instead of misery due to greed..
Enough said on this subject it is a place we cannot go simply because we don't want to..
Take care Stan and I hope that you have a level of life that is content, I guess you do as you write of quiet things, Yours Ian.T