The universe of your eyes
Black pupils crowned
With wildly colored flames
A chromatic alchemy
Of exploding nebulas
The universe of your eyes
With glare of crystal
Sunflower of all seeing
The language of galaxies
And the auroras of heaven
We stare deeply into each other
Eyes close to the blindness of a kiss
To touch the shadow of stars
In their pulse of luminance
Awaking the mystery of light.
Comments
Hi Mark
Lovely and tender …. poetic, eloquence of the intimacy and macrocosmic of another
Well done!
How's that for scathing criticism ;)
Hi Mark
this is a pulsating poem ...
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Thank you for our comments! About Paul Eluard
If you don't know him, he's well known French poetry circles (1895-1952), one of the founders of surrealism. All the French know him, as the name of Ferlinghetti is known here. He was very popular when I lived in France 1969-72. I've been working on translations for about 6 months, I have done over 50 poems so far, and I wanted to try to write a poem in his style, which includes capping the first letter, and ending each poem with a period, the only punctuation. His style is deeply imagistic, but he does connect rich language and with unusual connections but with an undercurrent of a driving idea. Whereas a poem can be either about an 'idea' or a "thing", he had a gift to connect them so you left the poem with something. Like with much of Wallace Stevens or Luise Bogan.
He wrote a lot, and though only a small part of his work is translated into English, there is a lot available on the big Poetry sites online.
Again thanks for your reviews!
Beautiful Poem!
Hi there! Really beautiful writing. It was very easy to connect with this piece, and your eloquent writing flows magnificently. My one critique is the first lines in stanzas one and two. Although it's a really cool metaphor, using it twice in a poem without a pattern to it is a little repetitive as a reader. All in all, though, great work!