Epitaph

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Epitaph

Poem text:
Black wings and bad boys
Loud music and crumpled paper
Born a secret and died the same
Here lies RoseBlack, what a shame

Feedback:

1. Imagery: The poem employs imagery effectively, particularly in the first two lines. "Black wings" and "crumpled paper" create vivid mental pictures that help set the tone and atmosphere of the poem. To strengthen the imagery, consider expanding on the significance of these images and how they relate to the subject, RoseBlack.

2. Structure: The poem is written in a quatrain with an AABB rhyme scheme. This structure works well for the brevity of the poem and the rhyme scheme adds a sense of cohesion. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to improve its flow and musicality.

3. Theme: The theme of secrecy and the fleeting nature of life is evident in the poem, especially in the lines "Born a secret and died the same" and "Here lies RoseBlack, what a shame." To further develop this theme, consider exploring the reasons behind RoseBlack's secrecy and the impact it had on their life.

4. Clarity: The poem is concise and the meaning is generally clear. However, the relationship between the images in the first two lines and the theme of secrecy could be made more explicit. Consider elaborating on the connection between "bad boys" and "loud music" and the secrecy surrounding RoseBlack's life.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of mystery and melancholy through its imagery and theme. To enhance the poem, consider refining the rhythm, expanding on the imagery, and further exploring the theme of secrecy.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Love the imagary
Very well penned

I'm going to date myself, but it reminds me of the old Burma-Shave signs that used to be posted along the highways. I always used to love reading those. Thanks for bringing back that memory.

Hi, Carrie,
I agree - very impactful. The crumpled paper is especially potent.
L

I like it, as it is not bogged down in emotional ploys. it is sufficient!

*hugs, Cat

This short and sweet piece reeks of dark humor and acceptance. I’d be worried but I personally know you’re ok. Glad to read what you wrote as always.

Tim

Loved it, Ruby :)

I think with time and change that this may morph, I think you know what I mean.

"Loud music and crumpled paper" that's a really impactful line I really think that's the heart of this epitaph.

Well done!!!

much love always Jayne x