Together, we are.
For ever and ever.
You said, “I do”, so it must be true.
We lay side by side.
Afterall, I am your bride.
But I have to ask,
is it really me?
Sometimes, I feel as if there’s something that I just don’t see.
No, I’m probably just over-reacting.
I’ll love you forever.
And ever and ever.
Please don’t leave.
You said, “I do”
So please prove it to be true.
We know I’m crazy.
Crazy in love. Crazy for you.
I want to be together forever, quite literally.
So, I’ll use this needle & thread for you and me.
Just so that you cannot leave.
I get what I want.
And you’re not something I want to get rid of.
You truly are,
my embroidered love.
Jun 29, 2022
Embroidered Love
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a little quickie that I wrote in like 5-10 mins the other day, just wanted to share one of my more recent works with y'all :)
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Beginning to get your style and rhythm
I always want to make everything tight and line up everything nice. I’m resisting the urge to suggest that though. Your work has a certain arrhythmic drive to it. So there’s that metaphorical connection: for example when we fall desperately in love it’s like our hearts are skipping beats and going all fluttery or if that love isn’t returned maybe they’re compressed and heavy feeling. That’s probably a bit of projection on my part but as the reader I felt that way.
Annoying fanboy,
Tim
Relatable
I feel that with the whole lining everything up thing. With this I wasn't really thinking of anything in particular, random words just came to my head and I just wrote them down to see if they'd work together. But I really do appreciate you being a fanboy, it means a lot to me :)
Jordyn
this is well written & despite my cliche, it is from the heart. The issue is that you seem to lack the confidence in the relationship by suggesting there is something you don't see. It's not an over-recation, your heart is telling you something & until you tackle it head on it will begin to eat you up.
Show this to your partner, let them relieve any doubts...bet you'll find there is nothing to be concern or doubtful about.
Having said all this, you may just have written a fine poem that is fiction...us poets do like to do that!!
Enjoyed,
One.
Fiction
Alas, this poem is only fiction. I appreciate the fact that you think it's good though. I really just looked at one of my pieces of embroidery and then came up with the title and went from there if you want me to be completely honest haha. But yes, thank you for the compliment :)
dear Jordyn,
after reading your very first poem here, I was in deep smit (smitten?) with your style! i like your title, and everything that comes after. some might think you to be paranoid (the jaded) but I see it more as reasonable doubt. maybe because you are unsure of how your loved one feels. you should have a serious conversation about that. (you inspire me)
my favorite lines are:
Crazy in love. Crazy for you.
I want to be together forever, quite literally.
So, I’ll use this needle & thread for you and me.
Just so that you cannot leave.
I get what I want.
And you’re not something I want to get rid of.
You truly are,
my embroidered love.
respects, Cat
Thank you
Thank you so much. The fact that my work had you smitten really makes me happy. After all, who wouldn't be happy when someone likes their work. But yes, I also really like those lines. When I was writing those I was actually kind of getting little movies in my head of American Horror Stories season 5 character, Sally; an addict to not only drugs but also affection, sewing her partners together. Thank you for your kind words and I really do appreciate you reading all my works and, from what I've seen, liking them.
I saw it more...
like an actual embroidery stitching the two of you together, something that a crazed person might do!
Sorry, just my ghoulish imagination acting up! LoL. Are you a wrestling fan? I see a little WWE ragdoll in the corner. ~ Geezer.
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I actually did mean it in that way
When writing those lines I was actually thinking of how I like to do embroidery (that's how I came up with the title) and I was also thinking of American Horror Stories season 5 character, Sally. More specifically when she had sewn herself & her two partners together. So I just put two things I like together, and whammo, I got those lines haha. I no longer watch WWE, but when I was little, my father used to make us watch that with him. So yeah, I get what you're saying haha.
I watch wrestling...
like religion, I love seeing the characters every week and trying to decide if they're going to go bad or turn Face [good] and I love the athleticism of these performers. [Of course I know it's scripted!] But that doesn't make it any less interesting. There is a female character that currently keeps a rag-doll as a mascot and talks to it and at one point she was really out there, but supposedly getting help through therapy now. Anyway, I like this a lot, and I can see you developing characters like her. I currently have a few that are all connected. The main one is Killer, who has an alter-ego named Sir Gee, another is his dog who is named Anubis. They often have adventures together. I see where you could develop and play with characters for your work. Something to think about anyway. I like your imagination and the way you put this one together. More! ~ Geezer.
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