Laying soundly down to rest
Drowning from my wishes
I reach over to turn out the light
And rest my wearied mind
My mind begins to flicker out
And welcome me to slumber
My heavy eyelids giving out
And falling from my dreams
I dream of flying with the owls
Against the starlit sky
And swimming with the dolphin
In the shadow of a sea
Flying and swimming to and fro
Searching it almost seems
For the other side of me
Because my souls undone
I wake to face the day again
And I call upon the sun
To shine on me its guiding light
Where all of me is one
Comments
Tommi
The theme of this is good, but I think that you have tried to make the lines even at the expense of the whole thing, it is crying out for freeing the lines from those numbered words, Try a scribble on notebook and let that mind of yours free I think that I have read a few of yours before.
This one seems restricted, but that's me, Yours Ian.T
Thank you Ian
Sometimes when i proof my own work the rythm in my mind doesn't pick up on those things. However I will consider making the change, having now reread it.