The Bottom Line

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do SOMETHING , even if it's wrong(bottom line shop)

Trying a dactylic verse on a blank page
driving a fool to a desperate act of rage
fearfully referencing Webster
knowing this form he'll never master

About This Poem

Last Few Words: screw hexameter I'm doing good to attempt Any dactyl lol

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

A true challange!

I wondered how it was that a person for whom English is a second language could be so good at this. Then I recalled taking Latin way back then. For a while I knew the rules of Latin simply because I'd studied them more than the rules for English.........Hmmmm..........maybe this would be easier if I did it in Latin lol................stan

envious ha? :)

But yes, you are right . The language is a little more than just words you speak.
Ps. the advanced formating didn't work well while I was parsing, like the word "dactylic", it really gives me some hard time. Just thought I'd say.
I am happy I was so close to Wesley's parsing.

Close.

Try-ing a / dac-tylic / verse on a / blank page (Rula is correct. We are missing a syllable which makes this catalectic… not wrong)

driv-ing a / fool to a / des-perate / act of rage (this works, though be careful… most people will pronounce “desperate” as two syllables, so: “desp’rate”. Just a thought)

fear-fully / ref-erencing / Web-ster (this is better… “ref’rencing” is how I pronounce it and seemingly so do you. Again missing a syllable at the end. Not wrong… simply not “workshop” acceptable)

know-ing this / form he'll / ne-ver / mas-ter (this missed. Three Trochee to finish. Stan, don’t forget to check how a word is commonly pronounced. Like “never” accented on the first syllable so it cannot be used as an unaccented syllable in the second foot making that foot Trochee)

Hi Wes

"Commonly" pronounced??That's what's giving me so much hell. i can't seem to write this form without sliding into a poetic voice. But I have delayed this shop long enough and I guess the title says it all. I even looked this form up on computer and that's where I found the way to determine whether a one syllable word was stressed or unstressed but it seems that doesn't help much as there are exceptions to the rule. I had to post Something before I started drooling and gibbering lol........stan

Wesley

Is there any way where we can find the correct syllable count on some of these words it is becoming a nightmare as:-
Rula finds one in Dactylic
where you find two Dac-tylic
yet I would use it as three Dac-ty-lic
The same applies to desperate, where I make it Three
and you say Two.
Life is so complex for this workshop lol
Take care but it needs clar-if-y-ing,
Yours Ian.T

Hi Ian

I consulted Webster for this exercise for both syllable counts and accents.............stan

just a-cla-ri-fi-ca-tion

My 'dactylic' is not right simply because the advanced formatting refused to work there. Why? I don't know."dac-tyl-ic" is three syllables

Each vowel sound should give you a syllable

Old school

With some humour ..
I miss humour lately
Here and in my life

wish I had more time
and understood
the discipline to
know this..but I think
I understand more
as I read the others
comments also
so thats great!

Thank You!

Hi Esker

This has been the toughest shop for me. I'm glad you dropped by 'cause that shows how shops can benefit those who aren't members by getting them to thinking if only a bit about shop poetry. Appreciate your taking the time to read this example of how to Not write dactyl lol.............stan

Ian,

here is a good rule to follow. Write the verse, then read it as naturally as possible without lending it any "poetic" assistance. E.g. "Clar-i-fi-ca-tion" is "naturally" pronounced with five syllables. You pretty much can't say it without using all five.
"Dac-ty-lic" is the same. You need all three syllables.
However, should someone say "des-p'rate" they will likely roll right through it with just two syllables.
Keats once said that poetry "should be written as naturally as possible or not be written at all."
If you would say "des-pe-rate" (three syllables) you would be forcing the word into all of its consituent parts. People seldom speak that way. Say it as rushed and slurred as natural language will allow because that is how your reader will interperate it.
Does that help?
Of course regional differences will occur. The British will "naturally" use more syllables than an American and those Americans in southern states will use almost as many syllables as the British. This should NOT be avoided. Those differences in dialect is what makes it a horse race. We must write as we speak and pronunciation be damned.

Hi Wes and Rula

My natural speech is probably almost unique. Dad was in the navy. Thus I was born in Memphis, first started talking in San Diego then moved at age 12 back to father's home state of upper South Carolina. My accent is thus predominately southern but it's sprinkled here and there with a west coast pronunciation. I guess that might have a lot to do with my parsing troubles. I Know I've used dactylic a good bit but as far as I know it's always been in conjunction with another meter. So....write one line in dactylic? no problem. But more than one line?....can't seem to make it sound natural. I say this to my shame.

But I'm going to leave this as is, regardless of shame, because I think others might learn more from my shortcomings that from me redoing this............stan PS presently working on anna's pesty quatrain which seems to be coming a bit easier

That's not good reasoning Stan.

My mother's family is from south Houston, my father's from Terre Haute. Daddy was a Navy man until he joined the Air Force. Upon retiring he went back to school and became an Elementary school educator. In 1968 he was long listed for the Nobel Prize for his work in phonetics as an aid to educate developementally challenged kids (we called 'em "retarded" then).
"They" tell me I sound like a displaced Brit. So I think dialect is an ever changing thing and can be easily (okay, maybe not so easily) adjusted to.
The important thing is to not give up on the different meters. You don't have to write in them all the time, but don't leave it in the workshop. Try one every couple of weeks. My first ones were tooth pullers. At this point, I'm happy to report, I can write in Dactyl and Anapest as easily as Iamb and Trochee.
Practice.