Tigger Kaz
Tigger Kaz
May 12, 2023

Different players in this game

We aren't all deductable sums of one name,
Not all equal players in the same game.
Some sit in ivory towers way up high
Others more disposable parts of the pie.
Some know how to do the dosey doe,
Others disregarded as they go.

We may be all sailing out at sea
But in boats not so compatible, as you see.
Some are the pieces that win this game,
Whilst others are tossed as if they're lame.
For some are Kings, Queen's and knighted,
And the rest are left feeling less delighted.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England , GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Different players in this game" explores the concept of inequality in society, highlighting the fact that not everyone has an equal chance to succeed. The use of metaphor in comparing people to different pieces in a game is effective in conveying this message. The tone is somber, with a sense of resignation to the way things are.

One potential line edit suggestion could be to replace "disposable parts" with "disregarded pawns," which would further emphasize the metaphor of the game and add a layer of nuance to the line.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys its message and provides a thoughtful reflection on the realities of inequality in society. The use of metaphor and imagery is strong, and the overall structure of the poem is well-crafted.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

is good and was what drew me in.
Hmmm...
Not sure of what you mean by "We aren't all deductable sums of one name".
I am thinking that you are a chess-player, or at least familiar with the game;
I believe that the disposable parts of the pie are [pawns]? A figure that one might
sacrifice to achieve a win.

Interesting to note that you capitalize Queen and not king. A Fruedian slip? LoL
I felt that the piece could mean any number of things or parts of life.
Your language use is good, the rhythm and pace equally so.
The beginning makes sense and follows through to an end which delivers a message that says
we are not all equal, no matter what one says. Nice job, ~ Geezer.
.