loved
loved
Sep 21, 2012

dialysis what !

he
is still on dialysis
but kith and kin don't know
when to let him go
hope God
helps them ...

the finale none know
not you... nor I...
no doc too
heaven is too busy...
we always knew
and
if there is a God
of which I have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world...
and
I only wish that ailing humanity
Came with life to terms
all we need is
a switch off
switch
but then who will?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

great write loved
very clever, and sad
'he is still on dialysis
but kith and kin don't know
when to let him go
hope God helps them so' (but i'd drop the 'so')

i really like
'if there is a God
of which i have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world...' - lol

and i love the finish
love judy
xxx

loved

thanks Judy
ur kind a lady
tc of all ur kids in hospy
they all will remember you
as I will toooooooooooooooooo

judyanne

thankyou for the acknowledgement in the first stanza, but to make this more succinct (imo) i'd drop that first stanza altogether now too, as it's not really needed for the theme...

xxxx

judyanne

why change 'he' to 'the guy'?
i think 'he' is so much better, more poetic
xxx

loved

loved

12 years 7 months ago

In reply to by Beauregard

"if there is a God
of which i have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world"

even now I realise these words are touching,
more to the credit of an
UNKNOWN DEITY,if any.