Sorry folks. I have dumped this in the trash can. The reasons you can see in the comments by Senior and Seasoned poets who did not find it appealing. So, I bow to the collective opinion all in good taste and without any regret.
Regards,
Mar 27, 2015
Deceit
About This Poem
Last Few Words: In the last few weeks my continued failures and rank bad attempts at poetry convince me that I don't belong here.in terms of posting any thing worthwhile
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
You said "raw truth". We'll see.
Can you say cliché?
This poem has been written a few dozen times... lately. It is a horrible trap for poet's to slip into. When you write something look at it honestly. This is (to use a mean word) clap trap.
The poem is not bad. You have written better.
Had the poem not been written so many times I may have had kinder words.
Hi Wesley
Thank you for your honest criticism. I shall put it in the trash bin after getting more critique or no critique from others. Best wishes to the work shop on critique.
Regards,
hi Raj
this is well written, with great word usage...
but as Wes says, it is rather cliche
that doesn't mean it is not a good write... just ho hum been done before...
and, also - I'm not into love poetry that much... it has to be pretty powerful for me to be impresssed, so my opinion will probably mean zilch to those who do like this genre... and in that case would like this
I really do like the word usage, as i said...
love judy
xxx
Hello raj
I don't know about Judyanne, but I see sir Wesley is well prepared for the "critique and criticism WS". I love the word choice and how you've put it.
Call me an old fashioned and give me more:).
I would change it.
It has the ingredients to create a poem completely free of cliche. I enjoyed the read but as I went I changed a few words, but if I am honest I dislike being as brutal as Wesley - this is not a criticism of Wesley though! I am a coward in this department!
Namaste,
Lenny
Hi Judyanne, Rula, Lenny of Cohen
Thank you all for your honest critique. I have noted your very modest gesture of disapproval. All in all I now realize that it lacks poetic fervor and appeal and worth dumping it in the trash can.
Best regards & thanks again,
Never trash anything you write.
It is part of you right now and will be precious someday.
Please, trust an old man who did not trash anything.
Never
Screw them, I've not read the poem but stick to your guns. Take the poem back to the writing table and cogitate. there maybe something in it you can work with. never destroy your work under the duress of popular oppinion. Some of the most beautiful, meaningful poems have a simple theme. Good luck with your writing.
John
Neopoet
is not a dump site it is a workshop type place. It is much easier to delete something you are unhappy with than it is to step back, study it and then try to make it better. And especially in the case that a poem has personal appeal to the writer, it should Not be deleted. Let it sit for some time then return to it with fresh eyes and don't be discouraged if it takes multiple edits over a long period of time before you're happy with it. Hell, I just edited the 2nd poem I ever posted here lol.......stan
You see I told you so.
You have everyone screaming.
Do not trash the work.