RoseBlack
RoseBlack
Apr 29, 2022

Dead Inside

Forty years
Nothing to show
All my adulthood fears
Time to let go

Hold me down
Chain around my neck
Pulling tighter
Til I feel it crack

No blood to bleed
I'm dead inside
My soul cries for reprieve
My heart wants to hide

Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 12 months ago

many dead bodies, makes me want to shout, watch out! The story reeks of madness and tragedy, there should be a shallow grave in the backyard. I get the feeling that you will be strong enough to manage another shovel full or two. Pat it down carefully and new sod over it and they'll never know! Nice work, sorry that the tale hangs heavy on you. I get the feeling that
the last straw is not far away. My favorite lines:

"Hold me down
come closer yet
Know your name
was on my last breath"

Nothing I would change here, Great stuff!

~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

I value your opinion and am glad you enjoyed this. I may not post often but the wheels are always turning. The last straw is imminent as the story goes. Relief from the inner pain and turmoil. Thanks again for the insight and praise.

Candlewitch

I can completely empathize with your tale, for many times I have felt this for myself. It isn't an easy thing to face. my favorite lines are:

Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath

it is inspired and inspiring!

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

Thank you for understanding and as always for your valued opinion and critique. The feelings are certainly strong and writing is a safe outlet to let them out.