Dark Rose

a rose bud
denuded of its fragrance
with petals plucked
by greedy fingers
turning
aroma into stigma
her chastity
stolen by a beast

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

the beginning is very

the beginning is very evocative and richly poetic. The rose bud metaphor is very nicely weaved. The second stanza was a bit confusing since the phrase (rest in peace) is a common term in American english, alluding to the dead.

Hi tyro

appreciate your time to read and comment. I do understand what you are saying about "rest in peace" likely to be associated with the dead...i will find an alternative to convey sense of restlessness. Thanks for pointing this out.
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Hello Raj

This piece is fold on a kind of inner secret to it.
It has a bitter taste as the color black though royal, yet is depressing in a way. I think each word was intended and well chosen. The last line, whether intended or not gives it an extra mysterious feeling and it works as the whole piece paints through.
I'd say it's bitterly sweet.

Hello Rula

you got it spot on....it is indeed bitter sweet....thanks for the read and appreciation...

warmly...

Hi JRS

thanks for the read and comment. In fact I too was thinking that the poem can do away with the second stanza and stand alone on the first. Good to know we concur on this. I may delete the second stanza. Good to know you liked the effort.
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this black rose

Dear raj _sublime
your-poetry
and
the condition
of the one's...
women
are still in doldrums

man's eyes for ever remain avaricious
to the one's who are so different
man's lust comes out
but with a different spelling

now the whole world is having a binge
everywhere similarly

red roses are being crushed daily
ask me not
not in which city

last night it happened again in Delhi
goggle /yahoo/twitter told everybody

what can lonely Police do
there are so many roses
in the Garden of Eden
not red
nor Black as per you

but in BLUE..
no smiling hue

Your poem speaks so true
hope metaphorically all
knew

"the second stanza is

"the second stanza is redundant and only detracts from the power of the first." I totally agree with blistered-pen, she seem to have a good feel for beauty. And yes this is far more powerful.

Hi tyro

in response to the similar comment from both you and blistered-pen, you must have noticed that I have already removed the redundant stanza #2.

Thanks and regards...

raj, this is a real gem!

raj, this is a real gem!
bravo. So simply done, but such a huge impact.

thanks tyro

for visiting this page again and for your kind words which re like tonic and would continue to inspire me to write better on my learning curve...
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I agree with blistered pen.

I agree with blistered pen. "aroma into stigma" is very powerful.

Hi Greg

thanks for the read and comment
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