Daphne the nympho lived down on the quarter.
Walking the street without law and order.
Up all night gazing at the moon.
Waiting for someone with whom she might swoon.
A contact was made, there in the night,
but Daphne could tell, his intentions weren't right.
Free from his grasp she ran down the alley.
Into the brothel to find Mike O'Malley.
Now Mike he was strong and fiercly protective,
and popped the young man in the face with his forehead.
He picked the lad up by the scruff of the neck.
Then threw him out back to come too on the deck.
Jan 05, 2024
Daphne!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This one is a little
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Daphne!" presents a narrative with a clear storyline, which is a strength in terms of engaging the reader's interest. However, there are several areas where the poem could be improved to enhance its overall impact.
Firstly, the rhyme scheme is inconsistent. While the first four lines follow an AABB pattern, this is not maintained throughout the rest of the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a rhythmic flow that enhances the reading experience.
Secondly, the meter of the poem is irregular. Some lines have more syllables than others, which disrupts the rhythm. For example, the line "Walking the street without law and order" has eight syllables, while the line "Into the brothel to find Mike O'Malley" has nine. A consistent meter can help to create a sense of balance and harmony in a poem.
Thirdly, the use of language could be more imaginative. While the narrative is clear, the language is quite straightforward and lacks the use of poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or imagery. These can help to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind and add depth to the poem.
Lastly, the character development could be more nuanced. While Daphne and Mike are presented as characters within the narrative, they are not fully fleshed out. Providing more details about their personalities or backgrounds could help to create a more engaging and emotionally resonant poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Daphne!
Thank you!
Daphne!
Thank you!