If I could wind back the hands of time.
And reach the things
I've left behind.
I'd find the child
A troubled girl.
I'd catch her
Before she unravelled.
I'd hold her hand
Whilst she travelled.
I'd help her find
An Ear in which
She could confide.
I'd cut down
Those brambles
To clear a path.
So she would have
A different past.
The teen would send that application
And succeed in her vocation.
The single mum
Should have left,not run.
She wouldn't care
About doubters and haters
The here for now
Or the see you laters.
I'd use my astral projection
To bathe them in
Light of protection.
And we
We would leave together.
Safety in numbers
Is always better.
Apr 24, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:
April 2023 Challenge Could have, would have, should have
Could have , would have ,should have.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
The poem "Could have, would have, should have" is a reflective piece that explores the speaker's regrets and desires to change the past. The use of repetition in the title and throughout the poem effectively conveys the speaker's sense of longing and the weight of missed opportunities. The imagery of "wind[ing] back the hands of time" and "cut[ting] down those brambles" paints a vivid picture of the speaker's desire to undo the past and create a different future.
However, the poem's structure feels disjointed and could benefit from further development. The transitions between the different scenarios (the troubled child, the successful teen, the single mother) are abrupt and lack a clear connection. Additionally, the use of astral projection feels out of place and detracts from the grounded nature of the rest of the poem.
One suggested line edit would be to change "Should have left, not run" to "Should have left, not stayed." This edit would better align with the previous line's reference to leaving behind doubters and haters and convey a stronger sense of agency in the speaker's desired actions.
Overall, "Could have, would have, should have" has potential but could benefit from further refinement in its structure and coherence.
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