judyanne
judyanne
May 24, 2015
This poem is part of the workshop:

An Exploration of Style, Subject, and Critique

(Read More...)

couch 3 - haiku (an exploration of style subject and critique WS)

funny how the ouch
with a simple c in front
spells couch - a comfort

~~~~~~~~

soft cushioned pasture
even though cultivated
still nature's sofa

~~~~~~~~~
.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wrote the first off the cuff - and it is more senryu than haiku.. then took the time today to rethink a nature one for a more adequate haiku.... thought I'd post both for honesty's sake :)

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

9 years 11 months ago

I like both and yes, the second is closer to a haiku.
I see the third line (in both) is a kind of continuation of the second line.
I always thought it should be a fragment.

judyanne

to my understanding, is truer to form (apart from theme)

The first and second, and the second and third lines should read logically, without the aid of the other...

as for as the 'cutting' - which I must admit, I have never really totally understood - I tried to achieve that to some extent with the dichotomies of nature and cultivation..... but from my understanding of the 'cut' - in this write it comes at the end of the first line (it is also my understanding it can be anywhere in the poem not necessarily at the end of the second line - anywhere a hyphen would fit..)

I don't really enjoy haiku, so my efforts are possibly half-hearted and definitely never that much good lol

Thanks Rula
Love judy
xxx

R

raj

9 years 11 months ago

isn't it necessary for a Haiku to be related to nature...I may be wrong...just a thought...

judyanne

It was originally, but these days english, at least, haiku seems to be a little more broad in it's theme

But my second haiku refers to nature, as I said in my 'last words' ... i wrote the first off the cuff, then re-thought and wrote one pertaining to nature...
Love judy
xxx

alidzain

loved both of them. Good job.

Alid