IRiz
IRiz
Dec 09, 2018
This poem is part of the workshop:

Implied Imagery SHOP Here we go !

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Converted

I am baptized with a wave
and a dry palm leaf
the wind brought from the trail.
I was there with him.

We crossed country roads,
went through the grasses
and mangrove swamps,
waded in rivulets, stomping
and breaking to pieces
darkening mirrors of ponds.

Smoke in the nostrils,
hay in the hair, we shared the air
with widening prairie.
We drank the abundant belated bloom
and finally found the way to the shore.

Dropping twigs and purple acorns
like impatient swimmer
losing sandals and shorts,
he approached me.

At the edge of the foaming
transparent cold ocean
I accepted the faith
of the wandering wind.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō

More from this author

Comments

zebra

zebra

6 years 4 months ago

I love this beauty,,,,I do..... I really do.....every verse,...the intent ,,,,the flow …..and where it takes me !!!!

IRiz

No surprise, it is written under your influence.
But it is something I felt this days walking along Florida coast recovering from my social media exposures. FB took me well. I have over 500 followers and will start posting my poems there.
I

R

raj

6 years 4 months ago

a good example of a poem with implied imagery where wind becomes passion and passion the wind with great choice of words to describe the building of wind [passion] it's course and the aftermath ...i could sense the optics and dynamics...that's the impression it left on my mind...at least the way I perceived it ...to me "converted" is about affectation [cause and effect]

thanks for the experience...
......................................

R

good to know IRiz that i wasn't way too off target ..it's always a pleasure to decode your lines dear friend...enjoy your time out there...

warmly..
.............................................................

D

I love this natural world spirituality. baptised by the wind. not entirely out of place with Jim Morrison and the Doors. I can almost imagine this put well to music. nice work IRiz

John

Eumolpus

I try to look at each poem fresh. A poem with no prior knowing from an unknown poet. We are dealing with art. So whereas I know you are in fla and wonderfully finding the best of nature in that place in which the culture does not appeal to me.

So I am drawn into your poem with a religious bent. Babtism, him, ( not Him), palms, faith ... but I know the poem is not about you suddenly having an epiphany and and having a vision of Christ Trying to get what it is you are converted to...I want to feel this wants to be a babtism to nature or the wind but there’s not enough for me to feel it. I don’t know what or who “he” is. That you are baptized by the waves but have taken up faith with the wind...coming by way of the prarie...
Sorry I am missing the substance of you poem.

IRiz

Mark,
Him is reffered to the wind, he is my friend and travel companion.
No religion is mentioned but faith shared with wandering wind.

Eumolpus

You have been baptized, you are converted, you have "faith" ...these are religious in nature. As the reader, how can I not make those associations?
There is such strong imagery available with the wind, not to mention the gods of wind in pagan religions...I would continue to explore avenues to really make the poem sound like the wind.

For example, here is one confusion:

Dropping twigs and purple acorns
like impatient swimmer
losing sandals and shorts,
he approached me.

It reads to me that it is him that is removing his sandals and shorts, not you. Also you have the faith "of" the wind, not faith "in" the wind.
Faith is a strong emotion, believing in something or as Webster puts it:
"strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof"
There are so many of your poems I offer congratulatory comments. I think you're on to something in this poem, but it just needs some polishing.