CONDEMN

The apperception
Of existence
Is washed by the world
Purifying
All that lives
Cleansing the soul

Some will be lost
Unable to purified
Misfits , reborn
A solider , existing
Condemn
Opposites
Against , the right

This is a chess board
Enlisting , souls
Washed for balance
Dividing , the preordained
To black or white
Good and bad , fighting for control

We are all enlisted
Every soul
Is condemn
Preordained
Older than history
This battle , never ends

When we die
Only the skin
Remains behind
Buried is your face
Silent’s , becomes your name

Your body , used and dispose
It was only skin
A shell
For your soul

Every rebirth
Of a soul
Owns , one choice
A name
A body
Individual
Only to dignify their condemn soul

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Comments

A strong piece,

A strong piece, though it could do with a bit of work. I am no great believer in souls, but i guess for people who do the battle to enter heaven is very difficult. Especially in today's world, but if they do wrong should they be condemned or forgiven. I believe it only matters to the living. But as i say there seems to be the need to remove or add something to smooth the piece out. I.E. Line two second verse - Unable to be purified. Smooths the line out. These are just my thoughts, I will try to help some more if you think i can. Regards Roscoe..