Wrapped in the reaming
red rustic
ribbons of right and
wrong ,but as
our lives tragically
tremble along
towards their end .
All those
antipathetic
thoughts begin
to brashly
bleed and blend.
Their overwhelming
oceans of
numbing neurotic
notions into
one vital
viewpoint of
vulnerability.
Where they
rationally rush
towards their
ruptured
realizations
that there’s no
need to proceed
in the fight .
As they’ve finally
seen the light.
Dec 22, 2022
Coming towards the light
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hello Edward
Totally agree with the sentiment of this piece.
I very much like the internal rhymes through out.
Enjoyable read.
My inspiration and message
https://youtu.be/6B8YTJ_Rofk
People fight for what they believe is right and wrong. But in the end none of it matters because everybody has different beliefs that fade with time and once you meet the end . Everyone comes together to see the truth.
In your usual style
I appreciate the poem.
Particularly , I like:
Their overwhelming
oceans of
numbing neurotic
notions into
one vital
viewpoint of
vulnerability.
Where they
rationally rush
towards their
ruptured
realizations
In the portion of the stanza above, i suggest to place a couple of words in a slightly different place. Not eliminate any words, just place them where they seem to go in a rythym.
numbing neurotic
notions into
one vital
viewpoint of
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Becoming
“Numbing, neutrotic, notions
into one vital viewpoint<<<<<<<
I think the rest of the piece is really nice!
This is just my nickel’s worth.
Hello, Edward,
"...rationally rush..." So much in those two words which shouldn't make sense together, yet somehow they do. This is how many of us are, until we see the light. Thoughtful final line.
L
Yeah...
this is about one of my favorites from you! It is smooth and tells the story without a bump in the road. I am always amazed at your work! Kudos! ~ Geez.
.
Thank you geezer
You see I’m a very prolific writer I’ve been writing poetry as well as a story about war .
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ko-Z6BdaP4GQqGlsFz2QT2uavxs8J4jDW7…
I write because well, it’s the only way I can get my mind off the pain and find some form of clarity. That was when I was beginning poetry but overtime it grew into a bigger picture . Which was I could give meaning to my life by painting a message or point into each poem . Providing the reader with either some comfort or advice. Leaving an impact in their lives making a difference .