Coming of Age
Yearly Autumnal advent, foreshadowing
Winter's austere inevitability.
Fragile leaves come easily fluttering,
spiraling to the ground.
Soon to become crisp and thin,
in a state of Mother tree's reluctant discards.
Some rest at her feet
under her branches near her trunk.
Waiting to be raked into piles
until children come to jump in the gatherings.
The more adventurous of her offspring
take off riding the wind to
distant places, without a care
leaving their siblings far behind on this crisp day
Oct 02, 2012
Coming Of Age
About This Poem
Last Few Words: For the manuscript "Mirror/rorriM", Please forgive my second in a row about my favorite time of year. I do so love the Fall! Your suggestions and comments are very welcome! Thank You! always, Cat
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
A great
descriptive piece dear Cat. A distinguished capture for the scene
I especially loved
Yearly Autumnal advent, foreshadowing
Winter's austere inevitability.
Fragile leaves come easily fluttering,
spiraling to the ground.
Soon to become crisp and thin,
in a state of Mother tree's reluctant discards.
Some rest at her feet
under her branches near her trunk.
Waiting to be raked into piles
until children come to jump in the gatherings.
The more adventurous of her offspring
take off riding the wind to
distant places, without a care
leaving their siblings far behind on this crisp day
Wish you the best of luck with your new manuscript
Dear Rula,
Thank you very much for your comment and your good wishes. They are most appreciated.
always, Cat
Cat
You had me there I thought I was going to read about a young person reaching out for either womanhood or manhood.
Quite a shock to be reminded of the years I have passed, and that the world was covered in Dead leaves only to be kicked by children, LOL
A very good write but maybe the title could be adjusted for the theme ??
Good luck for your coming book, Yours as always Ian.T
Dear Ian,
LOL! The title refers to the season's coming of age. I'll think some on the title change and I am always open to suggestions. Thank you for your comments and thoughts! Thanks for reading, too!
always, Cat
Cat
I read it completely differently to what you meant it to be.
Even the children coming in to the finality of the falling leaves and then the kicking it just flowed into a Winter that is ours to be, I have seen the children gather when one of the parents "leaves" (not a Pun) LOL
You have given me a reprieve thank you I am all smiles now, lol
Maybe "Seasonal Changes" would keep me above the ground works.
Have a lovely day over there and be safe within, Yours Ian
This is very sweet.
Maybe too sweet for me. It needed some of the punch your other poems have had for me. I hope the book production goes smoothly. wesley
Dear Wesley,
It is a bit too sweet for my tastes, too, lol. I prefer poetry with a bite to it, and this one is toothless! Thanks for reading and commenting.
always, Cat