Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Jul 23, 2012

Come September

Come September
she stands at the bathroom sink
in a glow of soft artificial light
face to face with her reflection
applying nightly moisturizing cream
to the apples of her cheeks and
all the mountains and the valleys
which hold the lines and wrinkles
that tell the progressive
story of her life.
she wonders if it matters
if anything can
stay the hands of time
and she struggles to find
the woman in the mirror
in the girl within her mind

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a poem from the manuscript, "Mirror rorriM" please let me know if it needs work. Suggestions are welcome and asked for. thanks, Cat

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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More from this author

Comments

S

We all become a different reflection to what we are inside. Lovely poem. One thing you can mull over is to change
places with" in" and "within "in last 2 lines. .....

weirdelf

despite the profoundly wise beginnings.
Those last three lines I would change, though it means changing the whole after-effect of the poem
and she struggles to find
the woman in the mirror
in the girl within her mind... [and lose that bloody ellipsis!]

you see? It has hope then, she is there, maybe lost at the moment, but she herself would not be lost.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 9 months ago

This is a thing that happens to so many, now in this write of yours, Mirror or No rorriM, it needs to be more unique, can we hear it from a source, that though it reflects the age old problem, where it is new to that person, as if she is the first to see the aged youth, Not a crit but something to bring this write more to life,
How dare this apparition stare back at her as if they knew each other.
Lies twisted lines of lies running everywhere, along those Lines..
Yours Ian.T

Candlewitch

I'm not sure I know how to do that, as this is a reflective piece. But I hop this poem has inspired you to write one of your own on this subject. I would love to read it. Please let me know if you should do so. Thank you for your critique :)

always, Cat

Sparrow

Will write a short piece on this theme ASAP but have so much to sort out at the moment hence late in reading your comment please forgive,
Yours as always Ian. xx
Just had a moment to write,

Come September, for Cat

It came to me one cool day
In the autumn of my years
What the reflected person was
I saw each day in my old mirror

There built line on line
A wisdom of the years
I did not feel as the reflection
It seemed to be of someone else
Then it dawned on my ways

There shades of folds and lines
Told stories of days gone by
Inch by inch many tales told to all
Of lost loves, then moods of change
Each etching their line after line.

I smiled with wizened face
It smiled back at me with knowledge
I shall not fear to look at you any more
There you show me who I really am
I love you, now I can love all I meet
Ian.T

Candlewitch

OH MY GOODNESS!!!
your poem for me which answers mine is lovingly fantastic! I think that you should post it to the stream! thank you so very much for this beautiful gift of both the heart and soul!!!

*major hugs, Cat

Sparrow

I don't think I shall put this one on stream, it is much happier sitting where it is in the shadow of a great friend and a great writer,
Yours as always Ian xx

loved

loved

12 years 9 months ago

apples of her cheeks and
all the mountains and the valleys

LOVELY CHOICE OF words
once I too depicted
a woman in front of the mirror,
in self adoration and admiration

Hope you will gloss it.
else where a woman has been described,
as the foundation of a magnificent building
once twas.

Candlewitch

If I were to go to Florida, I would return to Pensacola and its beautiful beaches. I was there in my late teens, a very long time ago, and fell in love with the place.

always, Cat

Seren

Seren

12 years 9 months ago

This is a story all women will face I'm nearly 43 time is the enemy

Sensitive and well told I have no suggestions at the moment

Love the name of your new manuscript

Hugs Jc

lovedly

many Septembers since
have come and gone
now it must now be
an autumn of her life
but
the vision of your poetry
in my mind
still, is alive
many Septembers
since
I admired it

judyanne

But imo it would help the logic with the last two lines interchanged
'and she struggles to find
the woman in the mirror
in the girl within her mind'

?.... 'and she struggles to find
the girl within her mind
in the woman in the mirror'

I'm sure that absolutely everybody who is getting on in years would relate strongly to this

Love judy
xxx

Esker

Esker

8 years 4 months ago

when we werent shooting at things with our bb guns or getting into fights....My little brother
and I we would watch our mom get ready for work...She was a nurse assistant! or going out
at night to the many then doctors and nurses party in Muskoka...Huntsville which was fifteen
miles from us..Famous old Muskoka...my sister too who was a nurse..an RN...they had the
then popular two mirrors...and bulb lights on this portable plastic case plug in affair..
haul it out to the kitchen table....work on their eyebrows..matte finish...the many many lipstick
and hair spray..curlers..dyes.tints...always ask how they looked or hold the little mirror
while they worked on their hair....We washed their cars..They both owned their own vehicles..
dad always wore suits when I drove him two miles up to his Lodge..Masonic Lodge...then go pick him up...or go haul him out of the legion...I was driving at twelve to go fetch him....he was very
social...took an hour to pry him away from everyone and get him home...

then years later when I got my women...same deal...I remember paying seventy nine dollars
all I could afford three quarters tester bottle of Clinique perfume...I eventually bought a full brand new one for my girlfriend...She was thirty when I met her....dyed red bobbed hair..big grey eyes..dark brows...angular...fancy dresser.. My present woman same..they all had these antique or cute sixties make up tables......I was always into women that look good...weird but a lot of men get ruffled by the make up or social flirting....unless it gets serious I dont mind...I called it working the crowd....always danced me...then....and I dress up well...I always went to the hairstylists...would rather have a pretty woman fussing about...Princess had these big sliding mirror doors on the closet in the old apartment..beautiful place...bought her a little make up case...we would be yakking she would be sitting cross legged trying all the fancy potions and colors...ask me how it looked....school then or work! if it was too racy I would merely say...the look was too "Distracting" and they were always on me about having my seventies big collar dress shirts open...my cross hanging out or the rings..eagle pendant... Was always the butler....janitor..confidante then...Women are sweet....the old and young when Im at the mall or waiting in line...I give them smiles...they flip their hair....I love that! worlds hard enough on the women..I saw that..always did midnight moves to a couple of my aunties who just found one bad man after another...
You have a beautiful smile Cat! love your long hair!!
and Eddy poems are descriptive and riveting
Thank U!

Mr Wolf!

Candlewitch

you are a true gentleman :) I hope that your ladies, both past and present, appreciate you properly and know how lucky they are to have you! thank you so very much for the compliment!

*hugs, Cat
^ever, eddy