t. reflexion
t. reflexion
Jul 03, 2011

A COLD ANNIVERSARY

July 4, the day of America’s glory
Chosen before the eyes and the law
Witnessed the tying of nuptial knots
Folks like a nation in concert of states
Joined to celebrate a meaning in marriage
And sing the anniversary song thereafter
We took as settled what was given freely
Unaware of the dinghy drifting ashore

Years passed by, just like yesterday
The oven fire went out before fifteen
The soup and stew got sour in the pots
We starved on the next anniversary day
The party that came returned famished
Cold wind blew across the veranda
I sat alone with distrust, pondering
On the fate that has befallen the union

Exchange of rings, registry treaty
A paper proof of love for the realm
Attest to a long and obscure reverie
Where we say not, Happy Anniversary
But the thought of the stunning brood
Their innocent laughter and jokes
Give hope for a refreshing beginning
And reassure me of a home so far away

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: NGA

Favorite Poets: Inspired by an article in an old manuscript

More from this author

Comments

Barbara Writes

Interesting July 4 American poem
Beautifully written in poetic colorful images

t. reflexion

Thanks, this day has deeper meaning to the Americans and all who share in her glory. Best wishes.

tr

weirdelf

I've got to say I have a real problem with any form of patriotism. To me it ingrains separateness and disparity rather than celebrating cultural diversity. I need to say that from an ideological perspective.

As poetry I think it's possibly the best of yours I've read. Judicious, even cunning, use of rhyme and half-rhyme. There is a lovely meandering meter after the stilted first line or two of each stanza, which actually works as a counterpoint.

A really good piece of word-crafting.

Kudos.

t. reflexion

As you rightly observed, the piece is not about being patriotic, it is a reflexion on an actual marriage that took place sixteen years ago on July 4, the strain in that relationship prompted this parchment. It is a cover to protect the real people involved. Your word 'cunning' seems to expose the trick. Your keen sense of appreciation is never in doubt. Thank you.

tr