"The Climb"
(serenity)
Whisper
of places in your heart
Naked
before your promises
Wounded
sensation of fresh heartache
Benediction
resulting into healing
Ceasing
attempts to guide the uncontrollable
Slowly
freedom flowing from this
Obstinate
opposing will!
Last Few Words: thank you Scribbler for all your help with the changes!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Shhhhh...
This is almost too private for public viewing!
You made me feel as though I was peering into
a window like a peeping-tom!
I can't pick favorite lines. So well written, that
I want to steal ideas from this. I have several and
will need some time to pass, until I won't feel so
bad about taking them from you. ~ Geez.
.
dear Geezer,
feel free to take any ideas you can from me...like gathering seeds on the ground...like gathering them up for a feast! I get ideas from most of the poems I read...especially yours!
*hugs, Cat
Thank you...
I couldn't resist picking up one right away! Kind of like when you see a dollar bill lying on the ground. You pick it up first and then look around to see if maybe someone was looking. LoL. I will keep it for a while before I use it, kinda like: "I'll just keep it for a while and see if they forget that they lost it? I take ideas from everyone and twist them and bend them for my own use. Most times, they sit in the treasure-box until when others see them, they have forgotten the original thought and will not recognize where they came from. LoL Devious huh? Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
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dear Geez,
I think it is the tools of a poet, lol
*hugs, Cat
Hi Cat
This poems seems to bear importance to you so I'll point out some alternatives :
Whisper
of places in your heart
Naked
before your promises
Wounded
sensation of fresh heartache
Benediction
resulting into healing
Ceasing
attempts to guide the uncontrollable
Slowly
freedom flowing from this
Obstinate
in strength of will!
Hope this has been helpful
thank you Scribbler!
I will work on this tomorrow as I am almost out of "gas" for the day. tomorrow, I will employ the changes I like... thank you so much!
*hugs, Cat
foregive me
but I can't help this : Susan Hopes I run out of gas lol
I understand!
I, too, wish Steven would do the same, lol!
*hugs, Cat
Oh my Serenity
This is gorgeous. I'm spellbound by this, drawn in and settled by a gentle touch.
Just beautiful. I felt like I was intruding on a solemn holy moment
Bravo Catsis this is bellissimo
Much love always Sis xox
dear Sis,
this was written long ago. I was so hooked on a man who had trampled my heart and ran away, he would return now and again to torture and tease me. one day, I don't know how, but i got up the courage to tell him to go and stay away because I did not love him anymore! such a great lie!!!
thank you for what you have said to me...
*love sis