The distance on the calendar
tamps down a gentle sadness
that still resides in my home.
I sometimes feel it as dust,
easily disturbed by currents of sorrow,
only to settle on the remnants you left behind.
With some effort,
I sweep delicate memories of you
into a bin that is never full,
so you won't worry that I'm okay.
Last Few Words: On the anniversary of my mother's passing words inevitably come forth - miss her.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Cleaning Up Again" captures the persistent ache of grief in a poignant manner. The use of the calendar as a metaphor for time passing is effective in conveying the idea that while the intensity of the sadness may have lessened, it still lingers. The image of dust as a physical manifestation of the sorrow is also skillfully executed, with the use of "currents" adding a sense of movement and unpredictability to the emotions.
The poem's strength lies in its ability to evoke a sense of loss and longing without resorting to sentimentality or cliché. The speaker's struggle to let go of memories is palpable, and the final line about not wanting to worry the departed loved one adds an extra layer of complexity to the emotions at play.
One possible line edit could be to change "only to settle on things you left behind" to "only to settle on the remnants you left behind." This small alteration helps to emphasize the idea of the loved one being gone and only their traces remaining, which enhances the theme of loss throughout the poem.
Overall, "Cleaning Up Again" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the ongoing pain of grief and the difficulty of moving on.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Thanks Neo - Good suggestion.
Thanks Neo - Good suggestion.
Cleaning Up Again
Hello,Michael,
Very still...like a pause in time, and somehow timeless.
L